How do you cope?

Yes you should get some help from professionals because seems like you can't handle these things by yourself anymore.. I hope you'll get better! ;)

I used to drink to cope with shit. Trying to find new ways. I wouldn't waste money on therapists though. AA is full of them and it's free

talking to someone and having to pay them doesn't necessary work in all cases, if you do want to talk to someone however i would start with one who you can talk to for free to kinda get the taste of how it is cause payed and non payed therapists are the same, I used to drink to cope with all my life problems but ive learned that in order to get better you really need to set your mind up for improvement before you turn to people. xoxo

I'm so sorry for the losses that you have experienced. It's so hard to cope with that much pain on your own. I really recommend talking to a therapist or at least a trusted friend. It's so hard to keep that pain on the inside with no release. The mood changes may signify something that a doctor or therapist could really help you with. They could help you feel better and be an outside outlet that could be really useful. I think it would be a good idea to test out therapy for a few months and see how it works for you. Sometimes having someone who doesn't have a connection to you can really help you open up more. You don't have to worry about protecting them from your pain like you might a family member or a friend. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and remember you are not alone. Please talk to someone. You deserve to live much more happily than you are now.