My uncle committed suicide 3 years ago and I haven’t stopped thinking about him since. He was an amazing artist and used to create beautiful paintings for me-I’ve kept them all. Some times I feel quite protective over the paintings as they act like memories. I’ve never spoke to anyone about this before as I have trust issues and I feel lonely all the time and don’t really talk a lot as I’m quite shy. It’s been three years and I still cry most weeks.
I'm so sorry! I can't imagine what that must be like, because I'm really close with my uncle too. I know that wherever your uncle is, he would want you to be happy, and it would hurt him to know that your suffering like this. You will never forget him, and he will live on forever in your heart, but now you have to move on with your life and try to be happy. I know it can seem like its wrong to be happy, but trust me, it is what is best for you and everyone else around you! hang in there, and I'll be praying for you!
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose someone you love to suicide. I think it would be really neat if you displayed your uncle's artwork; maybe in a virtual gallery so that his passion and memory can live on. It might also benefit the other members in your family to come together and remember him through those memories. It might also benefit you to start painting or making art to feel slightly closer to him. I would recommend talking with someone about the emotions that you're feeling. It'll be tough at first, but you can get through this! If you ever need to talk, message me. :)
I'm not sure exactly how but you need to move on. This grief, while understandable, is maladaptive. I'm not suggesting you forget your uncle but you need to acknowledge that he's gone. And you? You're still here. Try to live enough for both of you. I'm reading an ethnography on an Amazonian society right now and those who can't move on from the loss, from their grief, quite often die. People say they died from sadness (there's a bit more to it than that). My point is, yes it's sad when we lose people. This was his choice though and doubtless there's a reason. However, there's no sense in you still suffering this much three years later. I am very sorry for your loss. But it's time to start living again.