from 9-13 I was raped and beaten by my father, I was taken away as soon as someone saw signs of it, I spent a lot of time being homeless with him and taking care of my younger brother. When it was finally over I wasn’t really a person anymore, I sort of drifted through life and started making uneducated and hesitant suicide attempts, all that ever went through my mind while wanting to kill myself was “who will take care of my brother if I leave?” I didn’t trust my mother since it took her four years to realize something was wrong….so I didnt want to leave him, but I didnt want to deal with the pain of knowing I was “Ruined”…its been seven years and five of it has been treatment. I still suffer from night terrors and sometimes waking nightmares…My boyfriend tries so hard to wake me up and sometimes even if he does it just becomes more real for me and I scream and cry if he makes a move to come closer to me. It stresses me out and makes for a very poor sleep for the both of us…what can I do to just make it end and live a normal-ish life? I don’t think I have it in me to wait until he is dead to have peace of mind. He is living homeless in the cite and I always feel scared that he will come back and get me if its the last thing he does (which was the voice mail left for my mother that got the courts to take myself and my brother away permanently) I have moved, I keep myself surrounded by people that can offer some protection…but I am still so scared.
