How do I handle the pressures of conformity?

I recently learned of the concept of conformity, and have realized that it’s an ideal I have opposed for a good portion of my life. Even the definition makes my blood boil a bit…”to do what other people do : to behave in a way that is accepted by most people” I don’t like being like other people. Their ideals and interests do not interest me, so why should I stand for them? This presents two problems however.

Firstly, because I’m so out there, what I wish to do in the future does not have a clearly exposed path. This leaves me stumbling around in uncertainty, unable to give people straight answers on what I wish to do as I get older, and wondering how much effort I’m wasting in my classes (or if I’ve sealed my fate because my efforts aren’t good enough for the stupid big wigs at the colleges)

Second, I have difficulty finding enjoyment and friends. Because I enjoy different things, specifically in this case certain video games that aren’t well known, I can’t find anyone to play with. I don’t completely like being alone, but everyone is playing stuff I don’t enjoy, or I feel that forces play styles that make people drift away from each other. I’ve tried ”conforming”, but every time I do I’m ignored. No one wants to be with me, even if I ask or offer help. I place a large focus on video games, but it’s the same thing in real life.

To sum it up, I like being myself, and I would rather kill myself then change who I am, but I feel like I’m forced conform if I want to do anything substantial, as my previous experiences have taught me…

Category: Depression asked April 15, 2014

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Shade Dawn

4 Answers

If nobody conformed, nobody would get along. As a society we behave in similar ways because that is what is conducive to a peaceful society; obeying the rules of the road, not acting out in public places, etc.

You detest conformity because you are in the process of defining yourself, and it is largely through rebellion, through seeing what we DON'T like in other things and other people, that we come to recognize the traits we DO want to foster in ourselves and our lives. In time, with patience, you will come to understand the difference between conformity as a societal necessity, and FORCED conformity, the idea that you have to do as others OR ELSE.

You'll find that conformity isn't a four-letter word. Everyone strives to live in a way that makes them happy, but in the end, we are more or less the same as people.

Your noncomformity could very well be interfering in your ability to bond with others. Sometimes friendship isn't just doing what YOU want to do with others. Sometimes it is doing what others would like to do with you. It is the give-and-take of compromise.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

I don't mean to come across as attacking or anything, but I feel like I'm being told by you to suck it up since I'm still growing up, and that I have to pretend to be like everyone else to make friends (and I didn't explain myself well on that, it makes me sound like a greedy bastard who wants everyone to do what he says....I just want to have a good time, and their idea of a good time is not mine, and vice versa. It's already a compromise)

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Shade Dawn

I just want to chime in to say whatever you do, do NOT give in to the pressure. Do NOT conform and please be yourself and stay true to yourself, because that's what makes people important. It is so worth it when you find like minded people. The world and society in general are mostly some kind of ridiculous sheep, we need people to take their own paths in order to really get anywhere. I wouldn't care if that means you're by yourself for a while, that isn't a reason to give in. No one person is initially close to ever being the same as someone else.

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Viscaria

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Maybe the people you've tried to "conform" for or rather, bond with - could pick up on the fact that you didn't like it? I'm not sure. You can try to find people online who share the same interests as you. I'm sure you'd eventually come across someone who was interested in similar things. No one is asking you to "stand for" other people's interests or ideals. But when you want to bond with others, you naturally show an interest in them and sometimes you might even come to respect the differences even if your interests lie in other areas. Other people could introduce you to new interests that you were not originally aware of as well (if you give them a chance). You're not going to lose who you are. People are there to help. You can stay true to who you are and consider other people's thoughts at the same time. It doesn't mean you have to follow everyone else. But you're severely limiting yourself if you close yourself off too much.

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Vivid Melody

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