How do I handle my relationship?

I am in a long distance relationship. He lives in NC, I live in TN. In three days, it will have been three months.
I am set to meet him and spend the summer with him on June 20th.
He is very complicated.
At first, every time I would hang out with anyone, he would ignore me the entire time and just be very cold. Reason being, he was cheated on in the past, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to stop thinking the way he thinks.
When something is wrong with me, he doesn’t seem to care all that much, unless it’s a problem I have with him or our relationship. I didn’t think I was supposed to feel so alone. But the thing is, when he’s not ignoring me, being passive aggressive, not showing any sympathy, or completely shutting me out when something is wrong, he is very very great and I do love him. And he says he loves me.
And he tells me he is very lonely.
And he tells me there’s some things he just can’t tell me when it comes to his feelings.
And he tells me he isn’t sad, not happy. Just apathetic, and he “doesn’t fucking care who he leaves behind” , he wants to die.
And no matter what, I can’t get through to him. I have tried many different approaches.
Today, he is ignoring me.
Last night he had a “suicidal episode”
and frankly I feel like I am trying to diffuse a bomb without a specific time limit.
I just want him to at least hang on until I can see him.
I just can’t even get him to talk to me, and it’s very scary.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked May 23, 2014

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Amoureux

3 Answers

1 accepted

It sounds like he's using abusive tactics to manipulate you. My mom is abused by her boyfriend, and my psychologist gave me a sheet to help me understand and identify abusive behaviors. I'll link you (its on my tumblr) if you want to look at it.http://turdalert.tumblr.com/post/86016054652/turdalert-hey-guys-so-my-psychologist-gave

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Ivy

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I agree with what Ivy said, he seems to be very abusive from what I can tell, and I get it that he was cheated on in the past, but if he is in a relationship with you then he should open his heart to you as cheesy as it may sound, he should trust you, trust is such a big thing specially in relationships. You seem to be so supportive and understanding towards him despite him saying things like "he isn’t sad, not happy. Just apathetic" "doesn’t fucking care who he leaves behind". And based on what you said, you didn't do anything to deserve being ignored, that's so wrong. He seems to act like he is the victim most of the time if not all of the time, and he sounds self centered to some extent, sorry if I'm wrong, but that's the impression that I got. I think you have the right to at least tell him to stop ignoring you, because that really hurts and it's just wrong...he should take your feelings into consideration too.

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Maurice

See, and the thing is... I have been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past before, and my mom studies psychology and knows quite a bit. So.. I knew. I know. And I suppose I can't ask for advice for what to do in my relationship when I choose to subject myself to it.

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Amoureux