How do I find a sense of purpose in life?

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I’m male and turned twenty in April. I’m at University in England studying Computer Science.

I’ve got anxiety. I worry about most things. I’ve got minimum self-confidence. I’m always thinking, my brain never stops working. A lot of the time I’m imagining being the perfect person who I want to be. I’m very absent minded, easily distracted.

I don’t know what I’m doing in life. It feels like I haven’t got a real path or any real motivations. I’m not really working towards anything. I’m at University only as something to occupy myself with, I don’t have a real passion for what I’m studying. I do it simply because I don’t know what else to do with myself.

I hate myself, I hate my parents, I hate most of the people I’m acquainted with. I’m very closed off. I keep my worries to myself. I don’t let myself get emotionally attached to anything. I’m ‘seeing’ a girl and I see her as pretty much disposable. I know that’s wrong, but I just don’t really care much about being with her. I don’t miss her now we’re apart. I just don’t really feel anything towards her and I don’t know if that’s because I just don’t like her that much or because I’m just wrapped up so tightly in my own thoughts and defences that I don’t let myself be connected to someone.

Now I’m back from University I spend a lot of time browsing on the internet, watching TV shows or occasionally playing games. I have joined the gym and I go every couple of days but some days I just feel lazy and then I scold myself for not going. I always go on my own. I don’t have a great amount of friends here as I was never a very social and popular guy. But I do have a select few.

I’m not a complete loner and I don’t just spend all my time in my room playing games. I do have quite a lot of exercise. I eat relatively healthily. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol because of how it makes me feel depressed, I cut out caffeine a while back and I make sure to get enough sleep with regular bedtimes (I should really be getting to bed now but my mind is thinking too much, hence why I’m here).

I realise this is meant to be a question and I am yet to provide one. I don’t really know what my question is. I just feel lost. I always have. I have no confidence in myself and I fear I’ll spend so much time wondering what life is all about that I’ll grow up being dissatisfied. Sometimes I feel everything I do is just another way of running away from what I want and how I feel. I try to convince myself and everyone else that I’m alright, because I’m a twenty year old man and I’m meant to have direction. There are guys at my age who have found something that suits them and have been climbing the career ladder since they left school, but I’ve never had a real job and I’m still wondering what the hell I want from life.

I think I just expect too much. My expectations are unrealistic. I’m dissatisfied with just being an average Joe but until I come to terms with the fact that that’s who I am, then I’ll never be able to be happy.

I see no point in anything, I hate everything, I’m anxious about life. It sounds like I’m depressed, but I shouldn’t be. I’m young, healthy, not bad-looking and I’m in higher education. I’m relatively privileged. So what can’t I just get along with myself? How do I find a reason to be excited about the future?

Category: asked June 9, 2013

2 Answers

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whoa, take a breath,......dude, your only twenty, ...accept that the world and all living things are not perfect,....life is not a game, but it is not as serious as you may think it is. In other words, if you take the time to find a touch of humor in everything around you, and it's there, I asure you, tben perhaps you could relax just enough to breathe. You have a long and a good life ahead of you....try to enjoy it .
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I just started college myself and it definitely has been an interesting experience. The average college student changes their major 3 times and I believe about 40% of people with college degrees will not have a job in the field that they majored in. Just to put it into perspective. Anyway, look, don't say that you 'hate everything and everyone' I mean obviously I don't know your story but it's just very put offish and do I get loathing a few people yeah but everyone? How do you expect people to give a shit about you if you don't give a shit about anyone you know? But don't freak out, just think about it. Who do you want to be? What do you want to achieve? What will bring you lasting happiness? And yeah it's a given that you should have anxiety you know? Being in your twenties is hard but as things come together it will get better you know? I guess I'm not really sure what to say to me you come off as a person who sees things in black and white and life just doesn't work like that you know? I know for myself I have a pretty set goal of what I want to accomplish at school but does the future freak me out? Hell yes, you just need to take a few steps back and think about if it's going to be worth it in the scheme of things to feel this way, having hatred for people when you could be surrounded by awesome people, being happy rather than stressed and anxious, being excited about waking up in the morning rather then regretting it just enjoy things rather than criticize it or else you are going to be your own worse enemy.