How do I feel less upset with my boyfriend?

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I love my boyfriend to my very bones! I never want to lose him and I trust him. He has anxiety and some things going on in his life. He moved out of his apartment by no choice and moved in with me just a few weeks after me and him got back together. Whenever he gets sarcastic with me, or gets bothered by my memory problems/ listening issues, or doesn’t get as lovey dovey as I do, I get all upset, or sad, depressed, or take things in the wrong way. I get upset even with the slightest thing wrong. It’s getting him upset too and I need to change it. Please help thank you!

Category: Tags: asked January 29, 2014

3 Answers

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I have shit memory as well and I know it bothers my boyfriend to the nines. Actually, your relationship sounds like how ours used to be.

I asked him to help me remember things, such as when a bill was due or to remind me several times if we had made plans before the day of said plans. We both write on our calendar that hangs beside the front door and he will even remind me to check it.

As far as listening issues go... if he is speaking to you or would like to speak to you, stop what you are doing and give him your undivided attention. That should go without saying. It is a sign of respect from you to him that you think what he's saying is more important than anything else going on at that point in time. This will also help your memory - no distractions means you are less likely to forget what was said two minutes prior. If it's important, write it down. He needs to be aware that your memory is an issue for you and he needs to not be mean about it. But you owe it to him to show him just as much attention. Ask him to have patience with you and if he can't... well, there's nothing to be done to fix it.

As far as affection goes... you'll need to CALMLY have a serious conversation about it if it really bothers you that much. Tell him that sometimes you feel put out/sad/whatever when he doesn't respond to cuddling or whatever it is. DO NOT MAKE IT SOUND LIKE AN ACCUSATION. Ask him if there is any reason specifically why he doesn't always reciprocate. LISTEN to what he says. Work with him. You don't have to be joined at the hip to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

If his sarcasm is meant as humor, you're going to need to lighten up and learn to laugh with him. If he's being rude and mean to you on purpose, you need to tell him that when he does it that it really hurts your feelings and ask him to stop. You deserve to be treated with respect, too.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me :) Best of luck!
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Just be clear when speaking to him, and try to talk to him as much as you can. Communication is key. Do gestures to show you care, like cook sometimes or ask to have a date night with him. Try to ease the tension, and make it less about what he sees that annoys him and have him see all of the love and care you both share. Be confident; you got this!
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When you spend so much time with someone, you inevitably come to terms with the most aggravating parts of them. And since you just started living with each other, it's okay. It takes a little bit of time to become comfortable enough around each other constantly.

My best advice is to sit down and clearly address the fact that you feel upset over little things. Tell him that you really do love and care for him and you want to work on moments where you're not completely on the same page. Specifically tell him that you feel sad when he isn't as affectionate, and ask him if he has anything to say in return. I wish you luck!