I’ve never told anyone the whole story before, but here goes.
I never thought I could/would love a person as much as her (lets just call her Lindsey.) Lindsey and I have been in the same school as each other for the past four years, I only became friends with her two years ago after she was in one of my classes. After a few months I began to develop a crush on her, I kept it hidden though, not thinking it would develop and that it would eventually die. But as you can tell, it didn’t. The school year ended out kind of weird. Around May I was hanging out with some friends and one of them steals my phone and starts texting her a bunch of weird stuff about having feelings for her (which was true, but I wasn’t ready to tell her.) The night before however, she did the same thing with her friends, only she was joking. My friend didn’t cut it out and I had to explain to her the next day how it was my friend and not me. She said she believed me, but I knew that wasn’t the case. Anyway, the school year ended and summer began. I kept on running into one of her best friends (who was also one of my friends, but we wouldn’t become close friends until later, we’ll call her Lola.) Anyway, my friends thought she had a crush on me. But I didn’t think much of it. Summer passed and school began, and in early October one of my friends threw a party and I asked Lola out and she said no. I might add that my friends kept on pressuring me to ask her out. Confused I blamed my friends and she believed me. Lola or Anon didn’t really talk to me for the rest of October or early November. Lindsey and I started talking again in the one class we had together, Lola and I unfortunately had none. Now here’s when I should probably mention who is key in the later half (let’s call him RJ.) RJ became friends with the group I hung out with, but ever sense I met him, I had this weird feeling about him. Like something was off about him. Anyway, we kept on talking for the next few months. January happened and this is where things start to hear up, after a while I finally trust RJ and tell him that I like Lindsey (I probably should have mentioned earlier that he is really good friends with Lindsey and Lola, Even though he moved to our school around May of the previous year.) RJ kind of takes note and a couple of weeks pass when RJ gets the idea to hang out with Lola and Lindsey with one of their other friends (Note that my other friend, we’ll call him Matt, is also in this new group. But mostly RJ just used him on this one for his hot tub.) Here’s when I should describe RJ, he is really REALLY nice, it’s kind of creepy actually. Anyway we do this a total of two times with me and a bunch of times with everyone but me, but that’s not until later. The first time, nothing really happens. But the second time, Anon starts acting really flirty/sexual to RJ, I get kind of annoyed, but don’t think much of it. I just hang out with Lola and talk to her. Lindsey keeps on acting sexual/flirty to RJ and he does the same back. Lola and I start to get REALLY pissed (Lola has never, ever been pissed off at her. And they have been friends all their lives.) We go from Matt’s house to RJ’s to watch the Oscars, Anon tones it down a ton and nothing else really happens. The next weekend my friend invited me to a church lock-in, and guess who was going there? Lola and Lindsey. So I immediately say yes and we go. Apart from a few other people, it’s just Lindsey, Lola, my friend and I. Lindsey and I talk pretty much the entire night. I thought it was a total success and we start talking a lot. A few more weeks pass, with nothing much happening. Then, out of the blue, RJ and Lindsey start going out. My world is totally flipped upside down. I felt betrayed, confused, angry, and really sad. That following weekend, Lola, a few of my friends, and I go to a school carnival. Anon couldn’t go because she had a soccer tournament or something. Lola and I talk a lot and I tell her I have feelings for Lindsey. She is really surprised and tells me that she absolutely hates RJ and Anon as a couple. We talk about personal stuff for the rest of the night and then we go home. The following Friday, the group proceeds to have their first hot tub party without me. RJ didn’t want me to go because he didn’t want my feelings hurt. How nice (*sarcasm*.) I’m still really sad and i’m just at home playing Bioshock Infinite. Lola starts texting me and I ask her how the party is. She says something the long the lines of “RJ and Lindsey are really pissing me off with their flirty/sexual way that they are talking to each other.” She then says she has pictures that would make me cry. I then told her how I get psychically sick when I see them (which was true btw.) Anyway, a couple weeks pass and Lindsey comes up to me saying that she is going to break it off with RJ because he is overprotective, touchy, and a couple of other things. I’m fucking ecstatic and I tell her if she needs anyone to talk to, I would be there for her. She thanks me and we go our separate ways. A couple days pass and she starts a texting conversation about how RJ is stressing her out or something like that. We were talking for hours. The next day Lola came up to me and said that Lindsey said that “I just texted (me) and it felt like all my problems faded (or something like that.)” I felt pretty good about myself at that point.
I should probably mention this now but:
Lindsey acts like the sexual/flirty person all the time. She is really slutty when she does this. It pisses me off to no extent.
Back to the story
Lindsey and I talk all the time in the one class we have and starts acting that way to me. I’m kind of surprised but I don’t really think much of it. It’s now May 30th, 2013. Lindsey and I have been talking at lunch and at our one class. I mentioned right after RJ and Anon broke up to Lindsey that I hate RJ. She really wanted to know why. On May 30th, 2013, I gave in and finally told her. She looks at me, kind of confused. She looks at the ground and says “(Me) I love you, but…” Implying that she only liked me as a friend. I knew she was going to say that, I always did. But Lola said it was important that I told her. After she tells me that, even though I knew she was going to say that, I feel hurt. Like when I found out that Lindsey and RJ were hooking up. The last few days she has been acting a lot nicer to me than usual. I’m not really sure why this is. Fast forward to now, last night I had a dream about me and Lindsey. Much like the one described in Daft Punk’s Digital Love. Ever since Lindsey “friendzoned” me, I have been incredibly sad. I have been listening to sad music, stopped eating (also because I got my tonsils out and they said the recovery period was 2-3 weeks,) and all I can think about is her. I For the past year and a half, Lindsey is the last thing I think about when I go to bed, and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I think about her non-stop. I don’t know what I should do anymore. About the situation i’m in, or about Lindsey.
TL;DR
Got “friendzoned” by a friend that I have been in love with for two years. Stopped eating, have been really sad, and can only think about her. Please read the whole story though. It will help me a lot.
