How do I deal with the possibility of being rejected?

I feel like I am ready to meet new people, and discover a different “me” when interacting with other people. But lots of people have their guards up, and its a lot of work to start a friendship from scratch. And some previous acquaintances with whom I wish to rediscover a possible click, things in the past holds me back from reaching to them because I guess partly I still feel defensive about what happened and why I did what I did. Its funny but I am more than willing to give more and be the best friend I wish I have because I need one badly. But how do I deal with the possibility of being turned down?

I had in one occasion responded very late (a year late) to a message, and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for their response back, and it went by as if the other person has totally ignored me. I guess its terrible to have reserved that much excitement on one person, but I also don’t have a lot of time in my hands to reach out to too many people where I might have more than I can handle responding back.

Should I start first with reaching people that I feel I have wronged and resolve whatever guilt I still carry? (ie. I borrowed money from someone, but was too embarrassed to pay them back because I might’ve said some things too strongly a year later when we weren’t as good friends anymore. Like I was running away from the more important issue of talking too strongly to resolve the lighter issue of borrowing.) Or am I better leaving them alone, because they might have moved on and it might be a bit unnecessary trying to bring up something in the past? I just feel like guilt is holding me back in making new relationships, or rediscovering relationships in old friends, so that’s why I thought maybe that’s where I needed to start..

Category: Dating & Relationships asked November 5, 2013

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chaser

2 Answers

1 accepted

Personally, I would resolve the issues with the people I've wronged before. It seems that you're haunted by guilt that has been eating away at your confidence in your friendship capabilities, and those issues are a big source of that guilt. It's scary as hell to apologise, and you might think that it's not worth it because they've already moved on, but whether someone's moved on or not, if they've been wronged, any form of apology from the other party is welcomed and will be appreciated, and probably won't make too much of a difference if they've moved on a lot anyways.I think people underestimate apology, or are in denial of the powers of it because they'd rather hide from their problems. But a simple apology or explanation can change the way someone feels completely. To overcome that anxiety of apology and say 'sorry' to someone in the chance it might make their day a little better is true strength. It's uncomfortable to apologise, but the feeling of relief that comes later as you walk away from them is just awesome.With being best friend: No way man, don't change yourself because you're hunting for a best friend. The 'best friend' that you probably imagine is someone who cares for you because of who you are, and you can't find that in a person unless you behave like yourself around people. Those who will appreciate and care for your personality will be drawn to you naturally. Those who won't will fall away, and they're not who you were looking for anyways. In school, it's a little hard because people form cliques, so although it sounds lame, online communities are awesome for this stuff. I've been where you are before, and it can feel pretty lonely and a tough situation, but who knows, maybe the person you were least expecting for it to be will become your close friend!Good luck! Sorry for the long message! :X

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GrayChaos

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Hey!It is possible to get over the guilt, if that would make you feel better by trying to mend bad relationship in the past then do it. If you want to move on and forget about it and are scared of being rejected all you can do is move forward. There are plenty of people out the in the world who would want you to be their friend and will acccept you for you.Good Luck!

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taken4granted