How can I stop getting stuck in the past?

Me and my boyfriend have been together over 3 years on and off. I have such a bad habit of bringing up the past when we fight. In the past we have broken up because of my trust issues. He had started talking to girls but in a friendly way and I would automatically assume he was flirting with him and we would fight. One time he starting talking to a mutual friend of ours and at the moment we were together. I went on his facebook and checked his messages and he was talking to her and had asked her over to his house to have a smoking session with him. He lives with his parents but his room is a garage turned into a room that has a shower and restroom and it’s away from his parents’ house. He could do whatever he wants in that room and his parents wouldn’t know. I confronted him about it and he denied everything despite the messages that were there. Another time we were together we were having issues with his ex. He would talk to her a lot and I really didn’t like that because she tried to break us up. I told him if he wanted to be friends with her I didn’t want to be with him and he practically chose her. Stupid me I stayed with him and even tried to get along with her and be friends with her just so that I could have a better relationship with him but it didn’t work out.I know I should have left him a long time ago but it’s just so hard. Now things are good. He’s proven to me that I can trust him and he hasn’t talked to his ex. But the problem is that whenever we fight I always bring up the past and hold it against him. And even thinking about the things that he has done puts me in a bad mood and makes me be mad at him. I just can’t seem to leave the past where it belongs. He really loves me. He shows it to me but I make him feel like he can’t ever make it up to me. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I wanna move forward and have a successful relationship. I really need some advice

Category: Dating & Relationships asked July 24, 2014

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LuLuWolff

-2

4 Answers

1 accepted

there are things that we dont like to happen...but they still happen. And then...We feel angry, mad and furious. and despite whatever we feel...at times, we still need to control that anger within us...making it build up inside of us! and this keeps building and building inside. And i guess this is something that has happened with u...over what your bf did in the past...on being (possibly) inclined to other gals, denying to let go his past galfriends who may act as a poison between u two...and above all - lying to u ( over the fb thing.) You knew all this was happening right before ur eyes...and everytime that happened..u got more and more mad...and yet..forced to just let it go. And, now, despite u guys have come to better terms, this build up past anger erupts every now and than from inside u.but given the new happier life u guys are now having...u need to think about it this way too - that due to all the poison pills u decided to simply swallow away in the past, to keep the relationship going; it is now bearing fruits for u. You guys are much happy now. You are more happy now. So why dont you just sit down with him...tell him in a very polite and nice manner as to what u are going thru, your state of mind in relation to the past...that how u felt so bad than...and how u want to bury all that permanently, and that u so want to stop thinking about and bringing it up every now and than. I guess, that is the best way to solve this problem - by talking it out to the one u are supposed to trust the most. I believe u will feel much light and better once u get all this out of your system. And lastly, once u have told him urself about why u keep bringing the past up everytime, and than next time u guys have a fight- u will feel much more reluctant and thoughtful in using this past again.Good Luck Dear. best Wishes.

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Fresh Summer

If you cannot put the past in the past and leave it there, then it is better for you tot stay single until you find a way to resolve your past with yourself so that you can stop bringing it up.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

I mean, that's a hard thing to get over. Honestly, I think you can forgive but you can't forget. I've had similar issues with my boyfriend and it's taken a long time and I trust and forgive him for his mistakes. But at the same time, I can never forget what he put me through. It's hard, I know.

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stargirl22

its better to distract urself with other things such as, if u go to the gym, work ur ass of. Show ur bf what he has and he shud b proud and happy to have u in his life. in a way, he shud move on with the past to and start thinking about a future with u which includes not talking to any girls he might have a thing for, if he really wants a future with you.

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lunaLizA