You need to keep going, keep being as strong as you are being now. Cutting is, from what you tell, a way for you to cope with your reality. However, it solves nothing, and in fact it's damaging you, not just physically, but it's making you ashamed of yourself. If you cut again, you may feel a second or two of release, but then your weight will be even bigger.Your therapist will help you find other ways to cope and manage stress, but personally I find breathing deeply and focusing on my breathing a good way to let go of those feelings. You can try that, and see how it's going. However, the most important thing is that you're still on the fight, and you haven't given up. You're strong. That's a prize in itself!