Let me start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much and trust her entirely. I knew that she had developed a little crush on my older brother pretty much as soon as she did. Not because she admitted it, but because I’m very good at reading people and she isn’t the most subtle. She basically becomes a giggling school girl around him.
Previously this hasn’t bothered me. I am confident enough in myself and my relationship skills not to get paranoid about such things. And as I said earlier, I trust them both enough to know that nothing would ever come of it.
Unfortunately, something unexpected revealed itself to me the other night. We were out drinking with some friends, and somebody who knows my family commented that I look very similar to my brother with my new hairstyle. My girlfriend turned to one of her friends – a female – and said “Oh, I get to sleep with *MY BROTHER*”.
I thought it a bit of a strange thing to say, and told her so. She apologised and said it was joke, and all was forgotten.
Afterwards, we were having sex when she closed her eyes and looked to really be getting into it. Out of nowhere, my brother popped into my head and I wondered if she was thinking about him. Needless to say, this completely obliterated my libido and I stopped. I then explained to her why I had stopped, and it became an argument because I basically accused her of thinking about my brother whenever we have sex. She got very upset and I was extremely angry. The thought of it made me feel sick and it made my skin crawl when she tried to touch me.
I told her that I needed some time and space to think, and eventually came to the conclusion that a crush is nothing to worry about and I was blowing things out of proportion.
Now every thing else in our relationship is fine again. But the sex is not. If she is pleasuring me, I am fine. But the moment I see enjoyment on her face, I can’t help but wonder if she is really thinking about me and not my brother.
I’m not sure what to do. Obviously if the sex problem cannot be resolved, then the relationship is over. But I don’t want it to be. She has assured me that she does not and has not ever thought about my brother during sex. Part of me believes her, but another part of me doesn’t and thinks it is not normal at all if she does think about him when we’re having sex.
I desperately need advice. I feel the relationship is worth fighting for, but don’t have a clue where to start in trying to get over this. Does anybody have any ideas, or been through something similar? Or is this a deal breaker and am I hoping for the impossible?
