Horrible, abusive parents.


My girlfriend recently attempted suicide. Her parents are blaming me for everything, and I don’t know how to tell them to back off. They used to abuse her when she was younger, but they’re blaming me for everything. I don’t know how to politely point out, that when she asked for money for therapy they declined to help her, and from 6-18 they abused her. I want them to leave us alone, because they were and currently are saying hurtful things. This isn’t helping her with her recovery, I just want them to leave her alone.

Category: Tags: asked July 2, 2014

3 Answers

I don't know that I have any good advice to help you change her parents ways but I might be able to help you deal with the negativity

There is a wonderful story that is told in Buddhism that goes like this:

Buddha would go daily to meditate on a hill under a tree. One day a man went up the hill to bully Buddha because he thought his ways were silly. The man would shout and curse obscenities at Buddha and attempt to aggravate him. Buddha was not moved to anger and did not respond. The next day Buddha went up the hill to sit under the tree and meditate again. Again the man went up after him yelling obscenities and attempting to provoke a response. Again the Buddha was silent with no lapse in his meditation. The third day the Buddha went up the hill to meditate under the tree and again the man followed him up the hill. The man yelled obscenities, threatened and tried to incite anger in the Buddha but on this day the man would give up. When the man finally fell silent the Buddha spoke. He said: "If a man offers you a present and you refuse to accept it, with whom does the gift remain?" The man replied "with the gift giver." Buddha: "I refuse to accept thy insults and humbly request you keep them for yourself." The man, humbled, sat down beside the Buddha to meditate under the tree.

Not always easy... but the more you can do this the easier it gets.
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to your girlfriend. Maybe if your girlfriend explained to her parents why she attempted suicide. Maybe if she tells her parents then that would open their eyes. Or maybe she can tell them. But you may want to wait to see if she is okay with this first. I hope this helped.
To be completely honest, there may not be ANYTHING anyone can do to make them change. The hard fact is that 99.9999999% of the time, abusive people do not stop their ways.Normally I would never condone running away from one's problems, but if her suicidal tendencies really are a direct result of her abusive parents, the only thing that will help just might be for her to cut them out of her life; move out, explain to them that they have damaged her and that she is cutting them out of her life because she needs to be healthy.My mother was abusive while I was growing up. She really, really f***ed me up mentally. It wasn't until almost two years ago that I realized that just because she was my blood didn't mean she was good for me, and I haven't spoken to her since despite her best efforts. I am NOT saying that everyone who has disagreements with their parents should do this, but if they truly are abusive then it should be seriously considered.