He is moody


Caution: lots of venting ahead:

Im in a long distance relationship but my guy has been up and down with his mood recently and as a result I become moody too because when he is upset I get upset.

But now it is starting to get frustrating because I feel out of the loop.
I know the most important thing in long distance relationships is communication and right now I feel like we have none.

We used to have long conversations on skype whether it was on message, call, or video chat. We used to watch movies on video chat and fall asleep with each other.

Recently the only way he has been contacting me is through snapchat. He’ll send a hey or a photo of snow or something.But this isn’t conversation and it is not enough to hold a relationship.

It is okay for when we are both out and can’t talk for real, but now it’s at the point where we are BOTH online on skype and he will tell me he is doing nothing and he knows i am doing nothing too, and yet he does not want to message or video chat anymore.

It just feels like a drop in our relationship if we are both available and online and yet he doesnt have a desire to talk to me. I initiated the other day and asked to chat and he agreed but didn’t really want to and we had a quick chat. Another time I asked if he wants to watch a movie and he said it’s too late but then that he is not going to sleep yet.

I don’t want to nag him so I feel like I just need to stop trying for a bit. I can’t press him for why he’s being this way. I already asked him if he was okay and that if he needed to talk i am here. But he said its not like that and he doesnt need to.

I feel like there is nothing else I can do at this point. I just have to stop messaging him until he is ready to talk. And i guess ignore his snapchats? Because they are not real conversations. I guess I’ll just give him space. But I just hope he does end up bringing up whatever the issue is (even though he says there is none) because I couldn’t handle simply fading out. I need closure if we are going to stop talking altogether.

It just sucks because its so wishy washy like last night he was happy again and then today he’s back to not wanting to really talk to me.

My mom says I’m just being a girl and overreacting and that I shouldn’t bring anything up with him.

So i guess I just need to ignore him until he’s ready to share?

I’ve tried being nice and showing him I cared and he doesn’t respond to it.

I don’t know anymore.

Category: Tags: asked December 24, 2013

7 Answers

Well, your relationship seems to be on very shaky ground. Others have suggested you insist on nagging but in previous occasions it has only backfired. I'd suggest you leave it alone and just not nag. I know it sounds harsh, but, LDRs take effort and commitment, and if he's not willing to meet you half way all the nagging in the world won't help. You can't take responsibility for everything that goes on in your relationship, he has to do his part as well, and that part you just can't force. I don't think the word "needy" applies to LDRs, since daily contact is a must for the relationship to survive.
I was in the same situation not too long ago. I understand just how difficult long distance relationships are, and I completely see where you are coming from when you say you don't want to feel like you are nagging. My advice to you is to not follow in my footsteps, I broke up with my guy because I thought it would be a wake up call to him, that he would see that he needed to make more of an effort and try harder to talk to me. It backfired and only made him not want to talk to me even more. So my advice would be to "nag" or at least ask him to be straight up with you, if you don't get the answers you need try asking more specific questions. The nagging feeling is something I think everyone gets but sometimes we gotta dig to get what we are looking for. Good luck with everything!
I was also in this situation. My current boyfriend and I, for the first year and a half of our relationship lived 8 hours away from each other, and it's hard. Long distance relationships are a lot of work to keep up. My advice to you, is like the other user said, keep "nagging", because guys don't understand that they can talk to you. For example, mine would not open up to me because he said it made him feel weak. You need to let them know time and time again that you're there for them until they get the picture. Eventually, they come around. I wouldn't stress too much on it. But, if you're still unsure and nothing seems to be working, try asking him if it's something you've done or are doing, or ask him where you stand and let him know you want to know the truth. In the end it will work out how it's supposed to.
Thank you for all of your advice. The only reason I am worried to nag is because this has happened before in the past where he started to fade away on his communication with me, and I was firm in telling him I was not okay with it and it ended up driving him away because I guess I was too needy. I feel like it's an unattractive quality that made him run in the other direction. He ended up dropped me altogether without an explanation and then apologized like a month later and suddenly came back strong. But now it seems to be falling into that pattern... :/
I was in a long distance relationship and ended up breaking up with the girl. I understand there is a lot of time involved with being in a relationship but sometimes the whole skype thing was boring and didnt fit my need for affection. Perhaps that is why he did what he did. I kinda did the same thing. In my second relationship which was another long distance, I found that I was completely in to her all the time and would skype and call her every night. But the same routine got old. so I mixed it up a bit. I started driving to her every two to three weeks and tried to keep it random so she would get excited and stuff. Were a year and 6 months and recently moved closer. So I think you need to spice it up and keep it worth the time spent. Or he might just find a girl down the street who kinda works out. Also if he has a problem, its better to hit a guy straight up. But nagging does sometimes lead to arguing so just ask him very sternly but not all the time.
Maybe avoid the elephant in the room and be more assertive in what you want, tell him how you feel and that you need him to spend time with you, negotiate a compromise between how much you want and how much he feels like offering, relationships need effort on both parts, he's slacking, but you can do stuff like planning another date for the movie when he says not now, or be at peace with less interacting solutions like telling him you want him to cam and do his stuff while you just watch him.
Don't ignore his snapchats, you would get yourself more isolated from him. Good luck!
But he wasn't doing anything he just didn't want to chat. He said literally he is doing nothing. So it's not like I can ask him to watch him while he is doing things. Also I just feel like I don't want to continue having to be the one who wants to talk or do online activities if he's not interested.