Having a hard time…


I just got out of an engagement with my LDR fiance… we were together for 1 year and were making so many plans together to have a future and move in. We have met before in person and i had a lot of firsts with him. He called yesterday saying how he couldn’t do it anymore and had to concentrate on his band. He also gave me a list of my flaws and things he couldn’t really deal with at the moment. I love this boy… he was everything i ever asked for in a boyfriend/fiance… and now its all gone.

In march when i visited him during my spring break… i had an anxiety attack because i was overthinking about a thing his mom said. On his birthdays of all days and it bothered me ever since. His mom also had an influence on him. She was there when i had my anxiety attack and when i do have them i always have a hard time breathing.. Him and his mom were standing there and told me, “you can breathe, you are talking aren’t you?” They just wanted it to be over. After that, now that i sit here and think about it, everything between him and i started to change. He didn’t text as often or call as often. He only texted and called when he wanted something or play xbox. It seemed like i had to be perfect and happy 24/7 and whenever i did have a negative thought or feeling.. him and his mom would criticize me and say to get over it and move on. In the phone call he said that he had been thinking about it for a while and it hurt him to even think about wanting to break up. He then said he still wants to be friends. At the time i said okay we can. But when i sat to think about it i realized i don’t want that… as much as i do love him and care so much about him.. being just his friend would hurt too much. We shared things with each other and had romantic moments together that i just can’t forget right now. I don’t have anything bad to say about him because to me, he was my prince charming and any girl would be lucky to be with him… and i’m happy i was. I had to block him everywhere and his family too.. so i won’t think about him or anything related. But it is just so hard when i think about him being gone out of my life. My chest feels heavy and i feel numb all over. I blocked him everywhere and it hurts because it was not supposed to be that way..

I just hope it gets easier.. i need friends and people to talk to right now.. i thought it had forever but.. idk its just hard.

Category: Tags: asked June 29, 2015

2 Answers

Cecilia, I can tell from personal experience that it takes a strong person to love, and an even stronger one to never wanting to let a love go. You've said it yourself, you desire people and friends to talk to, it's always a great feeling to know there are people out there willing to listen. We are here to help and be helped, to offer advice and assistance where needed. A strong person like you, willing to keep your feelings for someone you love, has the right and necessity to be happy and to live a great life. At this moment, there is a man of equal if not greater willing devotion that can be discovered towards you, there are countless of them, if he cannot truly see the feelings that he has for you as you do for him, then you by all means deserve better, that's what we all deserve. There is no need to hope that things will get better, because they always do =). I'm here to talk and so is Emily, the caring person above this comment. I'm always open for a simple chat.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say; I can't imagine how tremendously painful this must be for you. :( I just wish I could hug you or something. I care about you Cecilia and if you want to talk I would be more than happy to listen. I really hope things get easier for you soon. Take care of yourself, love, and stay strong <3 I know it will get better.