Hates birthdays and holidays?


Could you be with someone that hates all Holidays and Birthdays? My boyfriend is one of these people who thinks holidays are like every other day. For example Valentines day, did we do anything? Nope. I left him a little sweet valentines day package because i thought it was cute. Yesterday we were talking about our relationship and he said the fact that I did that made him stress, stress about the relationship and how he isn’t putting in enough effort as he could be. (he’s severely depressed and because of that lacks motivation at the moment) He’s in a huge stress rut right now. Also doesn’t want my help, so i’m letting him do his own thing. I myself am someone who LOVES HOLIDAYS and loves birthdays, I try my best to make my significant other feel as important as possible, but he says it stresses him out. I can ease up on it, and he will spend my birthday with me because it makes me happy, so why can’t he apply that to other Holidays? because it makes ME happy.

Edit: In general he just wants to be alone on these holidays.

Category: Tags: asked February 16, 2015

4 Answers

I can understand that he's unmotivated because of his depression. You two need to find some sort of middle ground. It's lovely that you want to make him feel appreciated, but it makes him nervous so you do need to cool it a bit. He also has to understand that you want him to do those things for you too, it's part of being in a relationship. Maybe decide on which holidays are the major ones you two will "celebrate". He might not be sure what to do, so giving him some suggestions of small things he could do on holidays can help a lot. It'll ease the pressure of him thinking, "what would she like?" or "is this enough for her?" etc. Make it clear what you expect, but obviously don't expect too much. Just keep up the communication! He'll make plenty of mistakes and might be nervous at first, but I'm sure he'll get used to it. You'll just have to continue to be a bit patient. Best of luck!
Is it a religious thing?
It's not easy if you love holidays and he doesn't at all. It seems to stress him a lot. You wonder why he can't celebrate other holidays with you, like your birthday, because it makes you happy. Don't you want him to be happy too? I think you do. If this is stressing him so much, then I think it's actually really sweet that he puts effort in it on your birthday. He does that for you. Try to meet him halfway and try to understand how stressing it is for him. You need to find a balance together.
Me and my boyfriend go through stuff like that. I do not like celebrating holidays and birthdays but I suck it up for the sake of making him feel good of wanting to spoil his girlfriend when he wants to do something nice. I also think it's a waste of a day but I can understand the wanting to do something special for the other person. I know how he feels towards those situations and I respect him for it nonetheless, we've come to a common agreement where we celebrate it but nothing too over the top and not going all out like a big birthday bash or a fine dinning restaurant and all that fancy stuff. I just have to live with the fact that he wants to treat me special and it makes me feel good regardless of not wanting to celebrate those things. Hes the romance/love sweep a girl off her feet type of guy and Im not used to that yet, but I'm coming around from being severely depressed and it's been getting better. I hope he come to realization that it makes you happy and it should make him happy as well. :)