Has anyone ever been in a relationship they knew they shouldn’t be in?

I have been in this current relationship for nearly 2 years and we just had a baby 3 months ago. My partner is a former Marine, bipolar (unmedicated), and addicted to adderall. Starting about 4-5 months ago he did his first aggressive action. It has progressively gotten worse each time. He will hit and push me while I have the baby in my arms. He is also extremely abusive verbally. He steals from me and my family constantly. He gambles away every dollar we have and he hardly ever helps take care of the baby. Now, he is only abusive when he doesn’t have the adderall. When he takes the medication is is funny, kind, hard working, loving ect. This is how I used to know him when we first met. I’m exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally. I passed my breaking point long ago yet I continue to stay. I literally feel like I’m going insane. I am not the happy, life-loving woman I once was. I know I need to leave and I know many of you might tell me “its obvious and why haven’t I done it already…think of your baby”. I am fully aware that this is dangerous for us both and no I don’t believe he will change and things will get better. I guess what I want to know is what makes people stay in relationships like this? Why do we do it when we know we need to run and never look back? And HOW do I make myself leave?

Category: Abuse Tags: #abuse #relationship asked June 28, 2014

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Juice_1221

7 Answers

Juice

It is difficult to say without more information why YOU are sticking around. It could be a sense of responsibility to this person. It could be the commitment of your relationship or having a baby together. It could be the fear of the unknown in what will happen after you leave.

So not too long ago a man that has been friends of my family for many years was caught doing some bad things. Upon further investigation it was found out that this person had been doing things like this for quite some time but because he was so beloved by everyone... no one said anything for fear that no one would believe them. After he was caught and all of this stuff was out of the woodwork his family fell apart because of his abusiveness. His wife was kinda like you at first... didn't want to leave him because she didn't know any other life than the one she had had. Well loving friends wouldn't allow her to live that way and so friends took her till she established her own security to make it on her own. In the end I can tell you she is much better off now and far happier. She doesn't regret the change... she was totally blind to what could be from what actually was.

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mongoose

1,548

You're staying in the relationship because deep down you love him, despite what he's done to you. You aren't a flaky person, you really care about people so when you're in a relationship you'll do anything to make it work. And even though you know he almost certainly won't change, a little part of you probably thinks that he just might. You stay with him because you are loving and forgiving, and willing to give second chances... (and third, fourth, and so on). I hope you do get out, you and your baby deserve better!

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James Smith

Thank you mongoose for your post. I am afraid he might kill himself if I leave with our baby. He was married before and had a son with this woman. They ended up getting a divorce and he was kicked out when jis son was 2 months old and now she doesn't let him see his son at all. It tears him apart. Ive caught him with my gun sitting on the floor of the bedroom with garbage bags around him staring at his sons pictures.

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Juice_1221

Wow. Pretty much nailed it James Smith. I forgive and always see the best in people.

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Juice_1221

You are right to be concerned that he may take his life. Someone who suffers from a disorder such as bipolar can be very unpredictable. Now that being said the best course of action that I can see is for him to get proper help. You can be a gateway for that if you want. But you cannot stay in an abusive relationship for so many reasons and of course because of the baby. The baby requires safety immediately. I don't want to scare you... but I think I have to say that you really are putting yourself and the baby in danger being around someone who is unstable bipolar and a weapon in the house. No one wants to read the headline.

If he gets help and gets better then great... but even if he doesn't... the path that leads you away from him with the baby is still better than what else could happen. Please heed these words.

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mongoose

1,548

You stay because you remember how good it can be. You love him. And, you want to be happy with him. Military men need more assistance than they receive when they come home from war. I and almost every other Army Wife out there will vouch to that fact.

For me it was when I had two broken ribs and a black eye. I couldn't work and I couldn't breathe. It was the worst excruciating pain I had ever felt but most of it was emotional. Luckily for me there was a man who was there to willing to help me get out of the situation. Or, rather once I had made it to a safe place not let me go back.

There are many organizations devoted to helping women get out of abusive and unsafe circumstances. No one will blame you for what you've been through. You just have to make the call. This isn't a situation where you did something wrong.

It's not an easy just do it type thing. Maybe the baby needs to go stay at your moms for the weekend and then you join after explaining why you're leaving. Maybe you don't need to leave so much as have an intervention for him. Leaving isn't the only option in this scenario.

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Swifting

5,256

What makes you stay is because your going to think what is he going to do when im not here? Will he commit suicide? What is he changes over time? Would he come after me and my child? All this question are racing in your mind. And also if you do leave you might have regrets. This are only a few things why i would think people would stay in a abusive relationship. But to be totally honest i dont care how much it hurts or you how much your afraid. You need to leave him ASAP! He could become more violent and even hit his own child.

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unknownn