Girls: How awkward would this really be?

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down, mainly due to the fact that, given my age (21) I still haven’t got into a relationship at all. I’ve been looking through a couple of sites and forums and it didn’t take me long to find other people reporting some similar situations to mine.

My social skills are pretty much in-existent, especially when talking to someone that I’m interested in, even if it is just a small interest. Most of the posts I read talked, in some extent, about breaking the ice when meeting someone new. Obviously, this is a huge issue to introvert people like myself. I’ve seen people replying that a good straight approach would often do the trick. Something like: “Hi! I saw you across the room and I thought you were really cute, so I figured I should introduce myself”.

But, I mean, come on… even if you’re in some sort of social event like someone’s party, for example, where you’re supposed to hang out with several people you don’t know, if some guy would approach you out of the blue and say something like that… wouldn’t it be obvious what he was actually going for? Maybe I’m thinking of this the wrong way, but if I was the girl in this scenario, I would immediately think that the guy would be some sort of a ladies man and his only goal here was to get in my pants.

As a result, whenever I’m in some social event, I tend to stick with my (small) group of friends (I probably just hangout with 2, maybe 3, people on a regular basis). The only way I get to meet anyone new at all is if they actually know my friends as well.

So, in a nutshell, is that “straight to the point” approach really any good? I wonder…
Thanks for reading!

Category: Dating & Relationships Tags: dating girls break ice friends party event people straight point introduce single asked March 11, 2014

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Jpcace

7 Answers

I totally don't think so!!! Most girls want someone assertive, so by going over your ticking that box. I see your point about the sleezy thing, but if you said "I saw you and I thought you looked really pretty" rather than "you looked really hot" a girl would like that, we usually like compliments but not ones that focus on how sexually alluring you are, saying pretty or beautiful rises above that. I say give it a go, the more you put yourself out there the more people will respond and you'll find love soon I'm sure!!!

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Nutmeg

I'm not a social person. I have no friends but I can totally imagine being the girl in this scenario. I agree with Nutmeg, having a guy come up to you and it's obvious that they only want you because they think your going to make them happy sexually, is not something you should go into. It's great that you stick with people you trust when you go somewhere to meet new people, at least when you need backup they are there for you. Now, when someone comes up to you and says simple things or introduces themselves, just go along until you learn more about what their objective is. Otherwise, just go ahead and meet new people! When you go ahead and put yourself in a position where people automatically go to you, I am sure you will find someone who you think is the right guy!

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Kira Wolf

Thank you both for replying! @Nutmeg, well I guess that's also a way to think of it. I was really convinced that most girls would think of it as being cheesy and quite "obvious", in a sexual manner. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind next time round. But, regardless of how I approach someone, the fact that I don't know if she's even available in the first place still gets me afraid. Maybe she's with her boyfriend at the party? Maybe she's not interested at all in meeting new people? Most people would probably say that if it didn't work out with this one girl, move on to the next one. On one hand, I agree that I shouldn't give up after the first try, but on the other hand, this idea of constantly "re-rolling the dice" until I get lucky, as if all of this was a simple game...it just feels wrong to me.Sorry if this didn't make much sense. I'm having a bit of a hard time describing how I feel about all this. ^_^'

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Jpcace

Not a girl, but at parties you might want to omit the "you are cute" part. People in your social circle tend to notice if you only approach people you want to be in a relationship with, and it can be labeled as creepy. And it's a party, you don't need to tell them that you saw them and thought to talk to them, just go there and say hi, and introduce yourself. In fact, do it with all people, not only girls you hope are single and ready to be your girl. Remember to excuse yourself after a while, you are not supposed to stick to them all night and over extend your stay, so go back to your friends or to meet someone new. Outside of a party, of course, you can use that to approach strangers.

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rinseandrep

7,397

I used to be very shy and kind of got over it by making myself talk to people I WASN'T interested in. Not that I didn't like these people at all, but I avoided talking to the people that made me extra nervous. Eventually I realized it's not that bad getting to know new people. And with time, talking to the people I actually was interested in made me much less nervous. Maybe just the practice of talking to people in general helped. I don't know. But definitely have questions ready... people generally like talking about themselves. So ask them questions about themselves. "Did you grow up here?" "Do you like sports (or whatever)?" "What do you do for a living?" And be ready with follow-ups as needed. "Oh, is that what you always wanted to do? What's your favorite team/comic/book?" It's those awkward silences that were always so difficult. Getting used to filling them without looking desperate is the key. And it seriously just takes practice.

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Lucy

Thanks for all your answers! @Lucy , I had (and still have) a mindset relatively similar to yours. When I'm talking with people I'm not really interested in (not that I dislike them or anything), I feel a lot less nervous and a lot more capable to keep the conversation flowing. Eventually, over time, I get to know the other person better and it's only then that I start feeling comfortable (as with most relations with friends I presume...once you're considered them as one of your "real" friends, and vice-versa). With me, this progression, though, usually happens over time and without even thinking about it too much.When I'm the one approaching people, just for the sake of getting to know them, all the anxiety kicks in again and I get nervous again. First impressions do matter and, if I ever want to have a chance of getting in touch with this person later, I really have to make this first impression count. I guess I should really prepare something to say beforehand and have some questions ready, like you said, instead of just "going with the flow".Thanks again!

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Jpcace

okay, well first of all, don't be down about it, because you know what, girls LOVE those shy cute guys trust me. well at least I do. The most unawkward way to start a convo with a girl you wanna get to know more is by going up to her and saying 'Hi, I'm___, whats ur name?' or say something like for example if she's eating something you can say 'is that good? I was thinking of trying it, is it worth it?' then you can go from there, introduce urself, talk to her then when the party is done or the convo is over, say something like 'id like to see you again sometime' and see how things go. don't plan everything out, be natural! you'll see that right girl will come around. if u need anymore help u can PM me I'm a girl so i can help u out :) good luck!!

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Brooke