Get a sex change or keep my boyfriend?


I’m a bisexual born girl turning 16 this november, my boyfriend is heterosexual and 17 years old and we’ve been together for almost 10 months. I don’t feel comfortable in my own body, i want to be a boy. My family and friends are very supportive with sex changes people, LGBT etc. But they don’t know that i feel like this. The only one who know is my boyfriend and he’s not so happy about it, he can’t even imagine himself together with a guy.. (Due to past experience with old friend while being drunk.) He says that it’s my choice if i want to do it but that it then is his choice if he even tries to deal with it or if he leaves me right away. I love him over anything else, he’s a really nice guy and I’d be so terrified if he left me but i don’t want to live my whole life hating my own body. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Category: Tags: asked August 6, 2015

7 Answers

Just know that SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) Is right for you. Prepare for main, months of healing, and therapy. And he is pretty much not someone you want to be with. Be with someone that accepts you. I wouldn't be with someone that makes you feel like you have to choose them over important life choices. New you, new start :)
I think if you feel like it's the right decision for you, and you've thought it out fully, then you should go for it. Your boyfriend might leave, but if he leaves because you want to be yourself maybe he wasn't 100% right for you (not saying he's not a wonderful person, just maybe not the MOST wonderful for you).
Find someone who accepts you and who will not try to change you, but be sure that a sex change is what you truly want.
I say don't go through with it just because it is an incredibly massive decision that you don't get to undo, and you should wait a bit longer to decide. Also, that dick they give you doesn't work. It doesn't look right, it doesn't have the proper nerve endings, and it doesn't get hard. Keep that in mind while deciding to do something this huge and this permanent.
I guess you have to decide if it is one or the other. I mean you have to understand that he chose you as a girl and he can't help if he finds the idea of you being a man repulsive just like you can't help the idea that you are in the wrong body.
This question basically asks if you should pretend to be something you are not. You do what is best for YOU first, then you worry about finding another person who will be part of your life in the romantic sense. Never neglect your personal identity for someone else's sake, you cannot make someone else happy if you do not even feel like you.
It's great that people here are being supportive of you but I'd like to be a bit more realistic with you.

I agree that you should find yourself and, when you are sure, embrace who you are and do what you must do to become that. But as you say you love your boyfriend and it's not so simple to just "lose him because reasons."
First off, if you find the need for a sex change I have nothing against that. It's entirely up to you what you do with your life. I want to point out right away that I personally do not understand it, but I fully support the individual choices of every person. Still, I strongly suggest that you wait until you are at least in your mid twenties to be absolutely certain it's not a phase. A sex change is difficult to reverse and the years you spend making sure are generally really well spent to make avoid regretting it later on.

A bit of info from a heterosexual guy:
most heterosexual men find it impossible be in a relationship with a person with a male body regardless of how they identify. Call it what you want but that is reality. While I'm sure your boyfriend loves you with all his heart, instinct and societal norms influence all of us; even if your boyfriend happens to be immune to social constructs, as long as he is heterosexual his instinct will scream for him to not be with someone with a male body. Best case scenario you will remain friends; the alternative is he forces himself to be with someone that he fundamentally feels he shouldn't be with and that would be undesirable for both of you. Please bear in mind there is a huge difference between love and the physical feeling of attraction/repulsion.
If a heterosexual man loves a woman he is likely to be "in love." If a heterosexual guy loves a man he is likely to be "a bro." Regardless of all the new-age crap about gender identity, humans are still extremely primitive when it comes to uniting emotions and physical attraction, and to demand otherwise is either utopic or plain stupid.
I personally know a heterosexual couple who split up because she decided she needed a sex change. He was devastated but in the end he accepted it and they remained friends although they could no longer be a couple. My point is, if you decide you need to go through with it you will have to accept that it is going to have serious implications on your boyfriend and it is extremely unlikely that he will remain your boyfriend. Every instinct in a heterosexual guy would be screaming for him to leave the relationsiup and to pressure him into doing otherwise is just as cruel as pressuring a gay man into a heterosexual relationship - if not worse since his peers will judge him heavily for it.

In the end this is my point:
If you find that you need to have a sex change to feel comfortable about yourself then I think you should have one. But don't expect your boyfriend to stick around; at best he will remain your friend (and he may be a valuable one, seeing as he hasn't left you at the thought of you considering a sex change). But please, please, please make sure that you are absolutely certain before you make a life-altering decision like that. While your sexual identity seems paramount in your teens it tends to become less so when you enter adulthood, and there is ample time to make such decision later on.
But you must prepare yourself that any heterosexual boyfriend you have is not likely to remain your boyfriend if/when you go through with it, and please do your utmost to not judge him for it; it's no more his fault than it is your fault to need a sex change.

I wish you the best! I hope it all turns out well for you.