Friend advice


Here’s the situation:

I had a friend, we’ll name him T, that was a good friend (supposedly). Then he started being a complete asshole to everyone in our group. He had certain tasks he had to do in my buddies company and he didn’t do those tasks, so we confronted him about it and he didn’t change ( he said “this is who I am so you just have to accept it”. So we exiled him from the group and we’re the happiest we’ve ever been.

But now T is trying to get back into the group. T has already reconciled with a few other friends in the group, but I don’t want him back. He was an asshole who was unappreciated of everything I’ve done for him, he makes fun of one of our friends who doesn’t deserve it, and cannot keep promises that he has made. He’s tried contacting me to resolve this, but I don’t want to talk to or see him, so I delete the texts immediately and go on with my business.

I need help deciding whether or not I should just let it go and let him back into my life so there’s no other conflicts when the group is together or just be done with him completely

Category: Tags: asked November 30, 2014

3 Answers

You're leaning towards being done with him completely and it would be best to stay on this course. His would be a seemingly toxic friendship from what you've said so there's no need to compromise on who you want in your life for the sake of group harmony if that person isn't going to be a positive addition. If others choose to be friends with him that is their right but for yourself you seem to be done with him now and for the foreseeable future.
This is a difficult task, to stay in a group when you despise a member of the group. I think it's irrelevant what you decide to do, no matter what, you will have to be in his presence and trying to be polite and human but not engaging him really. You can't decide for your friends, and it will be hard to campaign against him without looking like a jerk, so practice being ok with what your friends think about him and what this person does in the group, including screwing up assignments, while you cultivate a busy and goal oriented life that will keep you too busy to interact with him outside of the group. You can also anticipate and practice dismissing any rallying he will do to get people to tell you how he might be hurt by your decision to not be his best buddy.
Hi, I've been in a similar situation to you. I chose not to let the person in, but all my friends did. She screwed them over. I think you need to ask yuorself whether it would be more stress trying to sort it out or whther to leave it and see what happens. Hope this helped.