Does abusive husband deserve another chance?

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9 days ago I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I left my emotionally abusive and at times physically abusive husband. Now he wants me to give him “one last chance” – we’ve had so many last chances that it’s growing exhausting. This is the first time I have actually physically left and he seems a bit destroyed by it. He’s read a book on abuse and now feels that he understands it all, he’s sorry and he wants me to go and be with him for a week to see if he has changed and they’ll be “on my terms”, we don’t have to sleep in the same bed etc, but I just feel like he can fake a week. He can pretend everything is fine. I don’t trust him, and i’m actually afraid of him. I don’t know what to do because I feel so guilty. He’s my husband and I feel like I just owe that to him?

Help.

Category: asked November 1, 2014

5 Answers

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Remember that you don't have only two options, staying away, and going back like nothing ever happened. You can go back on your own terms. Want to keep living somewhere else, and see him once a week, for the next 6 months? You can do that.
Want to take a month of no contact to think about it? You can do that.
Just going back right now isn't your only option. It's the only option he's giving you, and that's not good. Be honest with people about your reasons for leaving, the less the abuse is kept secret, the less power he has.
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If you're afraid of him then there's no way that that relationship can continue. You've made a huge step by leaving and should be so proud of yourself, but please don't think that he can change in nine days. You deserve a relationship with someone who makes you feel as happy as you should and this relationship clearly isn't doing that. Please don't return to him, of course he's upset but for him to truly change he will need some level of professional help and it isn't your job to be there while that happens. Leave him behind and start again without fear ruling your life, good luck and well done
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I also feel that if you fear him than it might not be salvageable. You don't want to live day-to-day with that fear. The anxiety, stress and depression will wear you down over time. I think there is a trust here that got broken once he laid his hands on you. It's not going to be easy, but I would suggestion moving on.
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“There are no second chances in life, except to feel remorse.” ― Carlos Ruiz Zafón
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Relationships are never based on fear of someone else, its the way trust works, see when trust someone and that trust is broken, it can never go back to its original state, do what you feel is right. If you believe he can change and will then go back on your terms and remember you can leave at any moment you please. Change is hard, but most of the time its for the better :) If you feel he hasnt changed ( its unlikely anyway ) move on with your life.You deserve better :)