Do I have POCD?

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Dear people,

A few months ago, a classmate called me suddenly a pedophile, actually, more than one time. My first reaction was “Oh my god, I can’t beleve she just said that to me, again…”. I always had a big hate for childrapers. But about one 1 hour later I thought “What if I´m a pedophile? No, that’s impossible…but what if?”. When I masturbate, I actually only think about girls of my own age (I’m 15, almost 16, male). And I never really liked children. But every moment, every second or hour, I think I’m a pedophile. I think it’s really nasty to have sex with children. It isn’t right, and it isn’t me. After she said that, I had to do an internship on an elemtaryschool. And I was thinking more and more that I was one. I was thinking about sex with children. But I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t like to masturbate with children in my head. I don’t feel anything.
But I’m starting to think more of children. Deep inside me, I KNOW I’m not a pedophile, but I do think I am one, every day more. One time I was thinking that a child, who I gave class (4 years younger than me), was cutiful. Even that moment, I was thinking I was a pedophile. But the funny thing is, I was never in love with a little child. How can I get this weird thing out of my head? I already did some researche. I found something about POCD. If I read about someones story with POCD, I recognize so much things…
I don’t have the desire to have sex with children, but I think if this continu, I will.
Now, after a few months, my life excists out of fear, depression, and the worries I am a pedophile. I don’t sleep very well, anymore. I don’t like to play Irish folksmusic on my Irish flute. I don’t like to dance. I don’t like to programming software anymore.

Anybody hints? Do I got POCD?

Thank you so much for taking time for my story!!

Category: Tags: asked February 13, 2014

6 Answers

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That must be very painful for you, but it does sound you have POCD. If this is true, then there is nothing wrong or bad with you, you have a disorder. My advice is to see a therapist and explain all this to them. They can help diagnosis you and teach you exercises that will relieve that anguish this is causing you. I think therapy is definitely in order here.
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Hey Greenwoods, I don't think you are a pedophile at all. I understand why you might be worried about these cyclical thoughts, but like you've said you don't enjoy them, and you are worried about them. Pedophiles are adults who become aroused by children and perhaps what's happened to you is that because somebody has brought it up you're worried it is an accurate representation of who you are- like a hypochondriac who would worry about a benign wart. If you really are concerned about it though, it is more beneficial to talk to a psychotherapist. It might be embarrassing because it takes away the anonymity, but they can't repeat it to anyone by law and it could help with your insomnia and depression. I hope this has helped!
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Hi there, thank you so much for replying my question (I don't know if that sentence was ok, because I'm a Dutchman, of 15 years old). I'm so happy that there are people who listen to me and want to hear my story! Great answers. You gave me that little bit power, to see a therapist. Thank you for listening!
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I did find a question on another site about the difference between POCD and Pedophilia. Pedophiles are more shameless, so it would seem like you have POCDBy the way, what does POCD stand for?
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"People will believe a lie because they either want it to be true or because they are afraid that it is true."

You continually affirm that you are not a pedophile, you have no sexualization of children in your mind. Don't let the accusation and the fear cause you to ignore the truth.

"Passion rules reason, for better or worse."

You are reacting with your fear, not your rationale.

"Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie."

In both words and deed you confirm that you are not a pedophile. The truth is more important than the fear.

"The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason."

You are letting the fear control you, and you are fixating on this baseless accusation. You know that you are not a pedophile, so asking the question a thousand different ways is not going to give you a different answer.

"A contradiction cannot exist in reality, not in whole nor in part."

You keep saying "I am not, but what if I am?" You either are or you are not. There is no such thing as a subconscious pedophilia. Accept the truth and move on.

"Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to oneself."

If you continue to ignore the truth in favor of fixating on a fear, you risk psychological damage. Let it go and focus on what is, not on a baseless "what if?".

The way you are having intrusive thoughts of pedophilia, it could be an obsessive-compulsive trigger. Get evaluated, and take time to calm yourself.
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