Discussing sex with my girlfriend


So, I’m 16, I’ve already had sex with my girlfriend a lot of times before. The problem is that we don’t talk about sex, at all. Whenever I ask her about what I should do, to make the sex better, she just replies with “I don’t know…” and then she just starts yelling at me that “she’s not the kind of girl who talks about that”, and it’s just really frustrating, because I have no clue if she actually likes the sex, because we’ve even started having sex less often.. How can I make it easier for her to talk about with me?

Thank you in advance for taking your time to read this.

Tags: asked July 6, 2014

4 Answers

If you and your girlfriend are talking LESS after sex, that's a very bad sign. It sounds like something about having sex with you is bothering her and she can't bring herself to talk to you about it.

There is no way to make her. All you can do is present the problem to her: Tell her that your relationship is getting worse since you started having sex, and that is counter-productive. Tell her that if she feels like she had sex too early that it is okay if you stop, she is not obligated or otherwise required to have sex with you if she does not want to. Assure her that you will never pressure her into it.

She still carries some idea that talking about sex is somehow "dirty" or "bad", and that is it okay to have sex but not talk about it. Her conscience is eating at her, so take the sex out of the equation by stopping it and give her some time to cool off. Spend time with her but don't have sex, don't even talk about it. Just spend time with her and help her relax.

After a while, maybe a few weeks, even a month, tell her you'd like to talk about how things were going bad before. Ask her if she'd feel liek talking about it sometime, and let her decide when that is, don't ask her to talk about it right away. You are both still very young, and emotions are very difficult to get around to talk rationally and objectively, so be considerate of her emotions and give both of you time to de-stress.

Be patient with her and adopt a hands-off policy so she doesn't feel pressured. Assure her that you want to spend time with her because you enjoy being with her, not so that you can get sex.

If you have any further questions, my inbox is always open.
Oooh, dangerous subject for shy girls there. I bet that you are her first? She feels embarrassed about the subject (why she might seem mad). It feels ''unnatural'' for her to talk about sex and the things she likes, because she is used to keeping those things to her self! like, you don't ask a girl exactly what she does in the bathroom either right?
The thing you must do is make her more comfortable. Touch her a little on her cheek, neck, arm, back and ask her if she likes it. Maybe you can make a game out of it :) for example: when you touch an area, she has to give a number from 1-5. 1 is really bad and 5 is really good. No (good) response? Then you stop.(duh)
if she does respond in a good way, then you proceed to more intimate area etc. just be slow.
Something else that could work, is that you can tell her what you like ! Show her how it's done :D you can talk about this, without feeling too awkward or nervous right?. This way you can create a safe place for her so she can share her secrets with you! A secret for a secret haha :)
Maybe she is embarrassed to talk about it, also since she doesn't wanted to talk about it maybe you should ask her if she's okay with the sex. Maybe she is doing it because she thinks she has too. Make sure that you let her know that she doesn't have to have sex with you to have a good relationship (if you are okay with that). My guess is that she just embarrassed to say what kind of stuff she enjoys, assure her that you won't be judging her based on what she likes. Good luck with her.
first and foremost just stop having sex and give her some time to relax..n its really very early to have sex at that age..hang out with her and make her feel that your love for her is more ..and it doesn't mean that if she doesn't have sex with you ,you wont love her