Discouraged.

First thing u need to know is that its ok, you can always start over again and the people that really matter are still there for you and wont think any less of you. Also try not to regret anything that happened and let out ur emotions and how u really feel to someone who u can trust (PM me if u need to). Also give urself a bit of time maybe week or so to forget about it and get over it. During this time dont remind urself of anything bad that happened and just relax. After that try to get back and focus again and see how things work out. Also dont stress yourself its counter-productive, Good luck.

You only live once! Do you want to waste your life with these worries? Go on, you can reach everything you really want! It'll never be easy, but it's worth the work! I know you can do it!

I've felt the same way. Instead of stressing, use your time to find solutions. Remember that most things have a way of working themselves out. Like if a door closes a window opens. Whenever I feel hopeless I think about how it won't be like this forever. Life is constantly changing so no matter what a different opportunity will come along. I'm sorry if all these sound like someone preaching to you but it's really what I think about. I don't believe in an higher power really but if you do maybe that can help as well.

There's a lot of good stuff here already, but I'll go ahead and add a few thoughts...

1. Take small steps. You need time to rebuild your confidence. Resolve to make a nice meal or visit your local library. Keep a to-do list, making sure to break large tasks into small ones (instead of "get a job", you'd write "update resume", "submit job apps at *website*", "submit at *othersite*", etc). Display it prominently so you can watch the items get crossed off.

2. Take time for yourself. Is there anything you both enjoy and find productive? For me that'd be visiting this site, coding, gardening, something like that. For you it could be anything. Start a project you don't have to finish, just to give yourself something to look forward to.

3. Get a houseplant! I don't entirely understand why this works, but it does. It might be having the opportunity to care for and be rewarded by another organism without the commitment of a pet, maybe it's the greenery and growth, I'm not sure. Pick something easy like an air plant or philodendron.

4. Remember you're always welcome to vent here!

I recently just answered a question similar to this this, and I've been there too! I understand. Trying to see the love and beauty in the world when you've been inundated by horrors is difficult to switch for the mind....Even more difficult when you have great talent and great dreams and they come apart or they take forever and ever and...!! You're not alone. Good news is that there are techniques that can help a lot! Listen to these, seriously & they're all free: STAGE ONE: "HEALING SERIES" GAINING CONTROL, CONQUERING FEAR-- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/x3e_7IRs6Z4 ---STAGE TWO: "HEALING SERIES" CONQUERING SORROW, HURT & REGRET -- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/d1NNRCX-p_0 ---STAGE THREE: "HEALING SERIES" CONQUERING ANGER-- -- MASTER TECHNIQUES! http://youtu.be/xN5zrqWg7cs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN5zrqWg7cs&feature=youtu.be ---It helps tremendously to get a massage or move the body, also to take time just for yourself....even if it's a just a netflix marathon and eating your favorite chocolates. Other things to consider are food and the water you drink...pesticides and fluoride cause serious problems...including depression. The National Center for Disease published its findings that fluoride causes fluorosis of the teeth and over time fluorosis of the skeletal bones...chipping, easy breakage... but that it also causes calcium deposits on the pineal gland, and your pineal gland regulates melatonin for sleep and both natural DMT and Serotonin needed to feel happy. So if you can not get really clean water or organic food (which most of us in the USA can not)...then here are things you can buy at a store such as wal-mart that will help you... Melatonin, Vitamin-C at least 3-thousand mgs per dosage, bee-pollen & l-arginine which naturally reduce depression... also GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) which naturally relives stress and anxiety, of which the only inexpensive bulk amount I've personally found to get from vitacost.com Let me know if you find someplace cheaper! --The best immediate thing to do is the rubber-bands & as annoying as it can be, keep telling your doctor if the prescriptions for depression aren't working for you...or if they are working but just barely...sometimes it takes a lot of time to find the correct med and the right dosage. NOW! --As to suicide...or frustration...even as to spending years and years trying to make ones DREAMS come true & practicing "The Secret" & trying to stay positive while what seems like just waiting and waiting or crashing-down.... I can understand that too. Oddly, there may be good reason to stick it out & find a path or even a new PATH that makes you happy. As I said, practicing seeing the love and beauty in the world when you've been inundated by horrors can be SO difficult to switch for the mind. There are natural botanical s that many are trying to get the government in the USA to realize are actually medicines. Also, food for thought, I once was in a coma that had to be induced because my lungs stopped working and my heart stopped and they had to put me on life-support. I was completely conscious the whole time, but it was a different experience than just being in my body. (When I came out of the coma what I had heard and seen in the hospital was verified to be accurate...real! As for the other experiences...trying to find my body and having to listen to my daughters voice and follow it while surrounded by darkness but being completely conscious ...believe me...suicide might be far worse.) --So: 1/Take time out to rest and also do something fun just for yourself (REST, Eat Your Favorite Food, etc.) 2/ video/audios like the ones I mentioned... HUGE help 3/ natural treatments as mentioned 4/ tell your psych doctor (or get one immediately if you are feeling uncontrollably stressed or having suicidal thoughts). --Hang On! You are not alone in these feelings & experiences and struggles to make dreams come true, okay? Hugs to you. You can talk to me anytime. EXTRA Hug! ~Suzanna