difficult time at school?

well I’m basically a bit lost at the moment. to cut a long story short, I’m struggling to find where i fit in at school in terms of friends. for the last two years up until the beginning of this school year, I’ve had a little friendship group of 4 (lucy, sophie, rachel and me) but we had a couple arguments and it broke up. now that its broken up I’ve realised how little friends i actually have. for the time that i was in that group of 4, i was happy with only having a few close friends, but i just don’t think thats going to work anymore. so this is the point of the question, to ask for advice on how to make more/new friends. my current situation is that lucy, sophie and i are sort of drifting about at the moment (rachel has joined another group which we don’t want to join) and hanging about just us three, and we’ve decided that we want to find new friends and a bigger friendship group together. problem is, we have different ideas about which direction we want to take. sophie seems to want to go join the huge group of girls who are nice, but well, a bit immature. (were 15) i don’t even know what lucy wants. i know this is going to sound like Im a social climber, but i would quite like to hang out with the “popular girls” in our year. i wouldn’t really call them the popular girls, as i don’t believe in all that stereotyping bullshit, but its the easiest way to explain it to you i guess. you know, the kind of girls who go to all the cool parties and have lots of friends outside of school and who go out each weekend. ok I’m really not helping myself here! i don’t really care about the parties and shit, well i do, but thats not the reason i want to be friends with them. they just seem really lovely and id like to try a bigger friendship group for once. any way, id like to be friends with these girls, but i have no idea how to go about it. I’m REALLY shy. i also really don’t want to have to leave lucy and sophie behind, but if they don’t want the same thing i might have to. i keep telling myself I’m going to talk to new people (I’ve been saying new people, they’re not really new as I’ve been in a year with them for 4 years but still) in form time and go into lunch with new people but every time i do i nearly do and then i get so nervous that i chicken out and just sit by myself on my phone. theres also a voice inside my head telling me I’m not fun enough and that no one likes me, which doesn’t exactly help. so to sum up, any advice on how to be more confident and make more friends? sorry this turned out so long!

asked November 21, 2014

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hannahxox

3 Answers

Hello fellow Hannah!The only real way I can think of making anymore friends is if you be yourself. Being yourself will get you out there and get the thought in your mind that you are a special person and people will need to know this. What I do, is listen around at what the others talk about and usually base any responses off of stuff like that. The one quality that I have, is that I'm exotic, random, and funny. Apparently everyone loves that. I may not be in with the popular kids, but I do have a few friends who are popular that like to talk to me in class. It's because I can be serious, but I can also make people laugh all the time. It takes a while to get over being shy. I've been shy my whole life and here I am, a senior in high school with nothing to fear. I'm weird. I embrace it, and people like it. So just be yourself, and eventually people will start just wanting to talk to you. Also, when people are having a conversation...say a class discussion, get your word out there. Speaking out makes people notice.

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◆☆Oliver☆◆

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Dear Hannah, It's really tough figuring out who your friends are in high school. I've been there, I really know what you mean about being very shy. I know about that little voice in your head that keeps saying these terrible things. But the thing is, most of these girls that you are too shy to speak with also have this voice in their head! I can't tell you enough how shy people really are. In reality, every girl in your high school is struggling with trying to fit in, and making friends. It is a very human feeling that even the most popular girls in the school feel too, even if they're very good at hiding it. What would you do if someone came up to you and wanted to start talking to you and become your friend? You would probably be happy, right? Well you could think of that next time you want to talk to a new girl. She is probably thinking the same thing as you are, and will be happy that you approached her. And if it doesn't work with one girl, then it will with another one. There are plenty of girls who will be happy to be your friend. The key is to believe in yourself, be yourself. The more you're yourself, the more you'll attract the right people for you. You can always message me if you want to chat more. Take care!

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Jezebel

I'm 15 too (: anywho, I had a best friend who had the same problem. She wanted to fit in with the cool kids so she went ahead and dyed her hair, bought a whole new wardrobe and cares all about her appearance and popularity. Before we were besties but now we're complete strangers. She has to wake up everyday an hour earlier than I do in order to do her make up and hangs out with friends everyday practically. I'm not saying that this is whats going to happen but always know what you're going into and stay true to you. Other people's opinion shouldn't matter, I'd rather hav like 4 real friends than 100 "friends". If you have any other problems, don't hesitate to message me (: I'm always willing to listen.

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