ok im new to this whole thing and there is no one that i can talk to about something like this, but here i go. So about almost 2 years ago there was this guy, not the type of guy i would usually go for, but a very nice guy who was always around.. like alwaaaaaays. Anyways, he got my number and we started texting a lot and we would see each other a lot like almost every day since he was living at my best friends house. I knew that there was something between us, there was kinda always something between us.. and i did have a crush on him. Eventually he asked me to be with him, and i freaked i panicked i didnt know what to say so i kinda didnt really say anything. i knew i had a crush on him but idk i just didnt want to ruin our friendship and i didnt want to jepordize anything. my best friends dad and everyone else in the house had a feeling something was up and pointed it out when he wasnt there. he said if there was something between me and him it needs to stop. the guy, my crush, he had no where else to stay, and i didnt want to cause him trouble at the house so i kept my mouth shut. never told him any of that. all i told him was that i didnt want a relationship.and then we kinda just stopped talking all together. sucked that i ruined our friendship by trying not to ruin our friendship and anything else for him. he eventually moved out of my bffs house. so it had been almost 2 damn years since i actually talked to him. Now hes in a relationship and i believe hes happy and maybe even in love with her, and lately hes all that i can think about. the oter night he was at the house, and everything was normal we were talking and laughing and playing around and it felt like old times, and i couldnt help it i flirted with him and found opurtunities to get him alone, i wanted to kiss him even though i knew i shouldnt even try to. i flirted and made sure to get eye contact with him whenever i could, i knew i shouldnt have been trying anything but i couldnt help it. anyways later he got drunk and i had an opurtunity, the opurtunity i was waiting for all night, but i didnt take it. he was drunk and we were alone, and i knew it wouldnt meant anything. then everything gotweird he asked me about something personal. something he wasnt suppose to een know about and somehow he did. he was worried about me, he wanted to help me and at that moment i knew that there had to be something between us still, even if it was barely anything at all. it had to be something.. or he still cared about me even just a little bit. he wanted to make sure i was ok. we had a talk but i didnt let him know what was really going on in my life that he almost desperately wanted to know. i couldnt tell him i really wanted to, but i just couldnt. and after that, the next day he barely even looked at me and didnt even say a wrod to me. almost like we hadnt had that little awkward, very awkward talk at all. and idk hes heavy on my mind and i just idk. i find myself trying to get him alone still hoping that something could happen between us. a kiss maybe even a hug . but i know hes taken and ifeel selfish.i dont want to ruin his relationship but i want something with him and thats the hardest thing about it, because even if there is something, theres nothing i can do about it. but a friendship is better than nothing right? sorry this may have been way too long lol i just had to get it out.
