my wife and i have been married for 5 years. we had a long engagement of 2 years, and lived together for most of that, as we thought it would be beneficial to live together first. she was 18 and i was 22 when we got engaged. i had always told myself that when i got married, i wouldnt expect my wife to do everything in the household (ie cook, clean, laundry, etc) that everything would be 50/50. we have 2 children, ages 2 and 5 (the 5 yo is her nephew we have custody of that is pretty much like a son to us). fast forward to now…she has become extremly lazy. i work 45 hours a week, and she 20 hours. she works when i dont so we dont to avoid paying for daycare. she doesnt clean, and her dirty clothes are all over her side of the bed, piled pretty high. i do my and the boys laundry, because i dont think they would have clean clothes if i didnt. everyday, literally everyday, i come home from work around 5pm-6pm, the kids have a mess everywhere, like a box of cereal spread all over the house, drinks spilt on the floors, crumbs everywhere and on the couch etc. so i get to spend at least an hour cleaning it all up before making dinner, then getting them bathed and put to bed. even on nights she is home in the evenings im the one that primarly cooks and cleans that up. the messes i come home to, when i ask about them, she says shes been cleaning up their messes all day and most of that “just happened” right before i get home. i find it ridiculous because on the weekends when im home with them, this doesnt happen. they dont make these messes when im home because they know better. and if i see food leaving the kitchen table, i will tell them to turn right back around and sit while your eating. and if a mess is made, i clean it as it happens. i spend my weekends cleaning bathrooms, mopping floors, and doing laundry. i get to the point where i come home in a good mood until i walk in the door. she says its normal with kids that these messes happen, and while i agree to a point, what i come home to and get to clean is a little extreme. theres more, but you get the idea. i just dont feel happy anymore and just pissed. ive thought about the divorce, but i love my children and i couldnt stand the thought of not seeing them everyday, and worries me on the type of conditions they would live in without me there everyday. advice? i know the description doesnt flow very well and i apologize. im not sure if marriage counseling would help any.
