Can someone unknowingly take you for granted?

First off I would like to mention I am not a super awesome writer so please forgive my grammar spelling and whatever.. I type it how it comes out of my mind..

Like.. I have a friend.. her and I are relatively close I think.. I enjoy her company.. and she claims to enjoy mine.. but it seems as though I can not get her to want to hang out with me or anything.. unless I offer to buy dinner for the both of us.. or a desert or something.. She never wants to hang with me when I am low on cash at the end of the month.. Even if I offer something like maybe a chat over some coffee.. she never wants to just hang and chat.. unless there is food envolved and even then if its only like worth a couple dollars.. like a dollar Ice Cream cone she will have some sort of reason why she doesn’t want to hang out.. Just last night she said we could hang out and when i told her that I really do not have hardly any money though so we couldn’t like do anything like go to dinner.. she got kinda quiet.. and we continued to chat for a couple minutes and then she said she had to go to the bathroom.. and she would call back later.. and well she never called back.. and I have tried calling her back a few times… she does this sometimes.. and the only way I can get her to answer her phone or call me is if I offer to take us both out to like taco bell or something.. There always has to be a reason for us to hang out.. I know she doesn’t have a lot of money ok.. and I realize that she has more expenses than I do.. So she can not really return the favor that often.. She does on a rare occasion offer to pay for the outing.. and she does offer emotional support a lot of the time.. when I can actually reach her.. but if i am not bawling my heart and soul out when I leave her a message or offering dinner she NEVER wants to hang out.. and even then sometimes she still will say she doesn’t feel well when I am not feeling too hot emotionally.. so sometimes she doesn’t come over then either.. I wonder if I should just give up really trying to contact her? and should stop trying to keep our friendship a thing.. or if I should just let it up to her to call me and talk to me.. I can go weeks without talking to her.. I do not know if she actually knows that I think she is taking me for granted.. If she is like just subconscious doing things like this or what.. I know she has major depression and some anxiety issues.. but she can at least tell me shes not feeling well vs just not answer the phone.. like she often does.. I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if all my friends didn’t move far away… She is like my only friend I still can have actual contact with anymore.. I just don’t know what to think..

Edit: She is a good person. . I like to take her out to dinner and stuff with me.. it just seems strange that she seems only wanting to hang if that is what we are doing.. You guys are right though.. I do not expect her to pay for anything though .. because I understand her situation… I just wish she would be more understanding of my position when I am low on funds my self.. I will have to talk to her about it.. maybe bring up that.. we dont have to be donig anything in order to hang out :p..

link

RainbowPie

2 Answers

2 accepted

To you title question, I think it is possible. It just becomes habit and you don't notice it some times. One of my friends did it to me. She would often ask me to do little things for her like pack her bag up or hold her keys or go for a walk whenever no one else wanted etc, but then she would rarely invite me to hang out. When we did hang out though, we had to be doing something. We could not just hang out. She is a way more active person than me and she just needs to always be occupied. Your friend could be similar to that.
.
You also have to take her depression and anxiety into account to. It's not just a constant low mood or being scared of new people, it varies and she can have good days and bad days. On a good day, she could be quite happy and want to go out and do things, on a bad day, even if she wants to go out, she could just be in her bed crying and doubting every relationship she has for literally no reason. I know that I, personally, have declined going out with my friends because of anxiety before, even though I wanted to go.
.
You also have to realize that sometimes what she says, like she doesn't feel well, or she's busy, is actually going to be true.
.
So, I think you should tell her how you feel. Be honest with her and tell her you want to hang out more but you don't have an endless flow of money. Don't be rude or blame her, but just say how you feel. Have a calm talk with her and see what's going on. Don't go in with negative expectations though and try to keep an open mind. I hope this helps. Good luck.

link

Jess

2,717

While people can take you for granted and it happens a lot, give your friend a chance. Talk to her. Considering she has some issues and you say she's struggling financially, maybe she's hurting more than you know. Maybe she's not trying to use you but actually can not afford to eat. She may feel guilty about the fact she's using you and that would explain her distant behavior. Take her out and talk to her, ask how she's doing. If she gets mad about your honesty, chances are she's using you and it's time to get out of the relationship. Unfortunately we can't find out what people do things without asking them.

link

Unlikeany

619