okay well..this is what constantly goes through my mind…this is what causes me so much stress..
What happens after death? Is there still a me? Do i still exists? Do we just see black once we die? Do we see a light? Do we just see ourselves leave our dead body and wonder around the world as a spirit? Do we go to ‘heaven’ and see our family? Do we feel our body decompose? Do we dream a never ending dream? Do we see the world changing from where ever we go after death? What happens exactly after death? Do we reincarnate with or without our memories?
It all scares me about what actually happens… I’m scared of the unknown…but noone understands me when i say this this…even if i explain my thoughts in the most simplest way…they dont get it.
These thoughts won’t seem to leave…no matter what i do i can’t stop thinking about this.
It all started for no reason i can think of..noone had been in a accident or died in my family or friends of anyone that i love ect. and so there is no possible reason that could have brought me on to over think about something like this…it kinda just happened.
It started as a normal day for me at work, i was drying the cutlery and putting them away in their tins and then for no reason suddenly all these thoughts came into my mind.
I have been overthinking other things like:
What happens to me when i grow older? Will i live my life alone? Will i find ‘the one’? Will i ever have kids? Will i ever have a dog or other pets in general?
I’m scared of if i don’t life my full life…that if i die young…and how i will die…will it be painful? or pain free?
I don’t want to live forever…but i don’t want to die..
i want to kill myself but then i don’t cause i wanna see what life will be like if i stay…
All this and other things i can’t think of right now…keeps twisting and twirling around my head and it cause me so much unhappyness..Like i barely have a clear mind because it’s constantly there pissing me off.
i want all this gone…but i dont know how…and i dont know if it ever will…i dont want to have to cope with this for the rest of my life…