Breaf Encountors

So I was on this dating website because I wanted to be more comfortable with guys. I am a very shy person when it comes to flirting and making moves on a guy.

On this dating website I was getting messages from this guy named Dustin, I could tell he wanted a breaf encounter so I did not engage with him. I dont remember how but I finally stared to talk to him and he wanted to meet up. I ended up meeting him and it started out alright and then he kissed me and before I knew it I was giving him head. I was amazed I even did that, ive never given a bj. I don’t even have the guts to make the first move until the 3 or 4th date! I think it was easy because he was a total stranger, he was not part of my friends groups, and the most part is I did not like him.

I really did not know what I was getting into, and to be honest I kinda liked it. I cant help but feel like shit though. Dustin told me he wants to be “Friends with benefits” but I told him it made me feel like a whore so I said no and told him to not talk to me. He has not ever since i told him to leave me alone.

I don’t want to have meaningless encounters, I want to be in a relationship. How do I prevent this from happening again? How do I resist the urge to be close to someone for a shot period of time? I know it makes me feel good at the moment but later on i feel like shit.

All advice/your own personal experiences with breaf encounters are welcome.

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Reina

6 Answers

Don't, DO NOT feel like a whore. There's no reason to feel bad except for personal moral choices. You've done nothing wrong. But if it really does make you feel bad to have encounters like that, try to make it clear on your account or during casual conversation that you're really looking for someone you could be with and not just a fling. good luck

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dome23

Sex is sex, morals are different in every religion and are there to control the masses. As long as it pleases you, doesn't harm anyone and does not remove right or liberties from other people I don't see why you should feel like a whore? If you want a relationship then fine, get one. But until then there is nothing bad in wanting to satisfy your natural human sexual urges.

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Chris

1,067

I've had an experience with someone like that sort of. This guy was really cocky and he went after me even after I blew him off for some time. We finally met up (we had been online dating for months) and we did the same kinds of things that you had done, and he acted as if everything was fine, but he ended up not ever speaking to me again because I wouldn't give him all of me. He even bribed me with an expensive watch. I was like you said, it felt great, and even exhilarating because I felt like I was doing something I "shouldn't be doing."I remember driving back home feeling disgusting, and feeling even worse when I realized what his real intentions were. He was a kid with a lot of money, and he tried to use that to his advantage.I remember after that, I played hard to get like never before. I would not let any guy inside my world! I would say just be more aware of the kinds of guys that come after you and try and see what their intentions might be, and like the other commentor said, make it clear that you want something deeper than these flings. That will get rid of some guys that aren't suited for you.Hope I helped!

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Raee

426

You shouldn't feel like a whore! If you were attracted to him, it's completely natural to respond physically. I know exactly what you mean about how shocked you were it happened. I think that, especially for us shy girls, we kind of get so excited that we get swept up in the moment. It feels good and it's nice to just be with someone.Once you realized you didn't like it, you made the right call by drawing that line. There's nothing wrong with being okay with being someone's FWB, but if you're not you definitely shouldn't try to force yourself either. If you find yourself in that position again, try to remind yourself that you're worth more than 20 minutes on some lumpy couch.I repeat to myself, "I'm a girlfriend, not a booty call." It's helped me out of some pretty sticky situations. If all else fails and you feel like you're losing control, I recommend "taking care" of yourself before a date. That way you're not all pent up and edgy. It might not stop it completely, but it helps me break free of the lust fog from time to time so that I can focus on building a relationship. Good luck~!

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Goddess02

I don't know what else to say other than just remind yourself when you get tempted that the end result never makes it worth it in the end as you said. It is like giving away pieces of yourself. Be slower to meet in person perhaps. Respect your own wishes. I think the part of you that enjoyed it was because it was a sort of liberating experience since you struggle with shyness. But as you know, you don't have to do those things to overcome shyness. I would just say forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. We all have weaknesses.

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Vivid Melody

1,794

It would be better to slow down on the first date. I'm not saying this because it was a bad thing to do, I'm just saying this because 1. You don't really know them, 2. They might take an advantage of this and won't treat it like a real relationship. There is a fine line between slutty and caught in the moment. You didn't feel comfortable with this the first time so tell yourself that there is repercussions. You had your experience and you found how you felt, choose the way you want to set your path to dating now.

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Julybug

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