My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. His father is Tamil and whilst his mother is (caucasian) British. There’s some really interesting cultural dynamics in his family, so it’s not like my boyfriend isn’t allowed to date outside of his race (we’re both European-Asian anyway).
My boyfriend’s mother, siblings, grandparents and extended family absolutely love me. In contrast the relationship I have with his father is extremely delicate. He likes using me as a scapegoat for whenever my boyfriend is at fault. Bad grades? Must be because of me. Which is ironic because I’m a scholarship student so I wouldn’t say I’m a terrible influence.
The worst scapegoat scenario I’ve experienced happened over Skype. I left the country for a while which left my boyfriend sad. His father walks into his room and notices that his son is looking upset, and says “tell her to leave you alone. Always taking up so much bloody effort.” Needless to say I hung up on the Skype call in response to his father’s request, which sent a clear message to the father that I had heard him. Things between us have been really awkward since.
I’ve had a lot of discussions with my boyfriend about his father’s attitudes towards me. We think the reason he’s acting out is because:
1) As the eldest child, this is the first relationship my boyfriend’s had.
2) His father was never “serious” in a relationship until his 30′s. So we probably look really young (both 20) in comparison.
3) As a father he feels like he needs to oversee everything that happens. It’s a part of Tamil culture, I guess.
No matter how diplomatic I try to be the best solution always seems to be keeping a distance between us. If this guy ever became my in-law, I can’t do this for the rest of my life. Surely there’s another solution?
