Boy Troubles, please help

I’m really sorry for the long story but I don’t want to leave anything out and I really need advice on this, thank you so much in advance:

So there is this guy that I have recently been noticing in my Language Arts class. We became really good friends and talked on Skype almost every day. He was still trying to get over his old girl friend and was super sad. I tried to cheer him up and about a month of that, he was fine but within that month, I had began to like him. Around the end of the first month or so, he admitted that he liked me. I was so exited and never felt so happy in my life. He did, however say that he was still sad about his past girlfriend (at this point, it had been 3 months since they had broken up) and could not date me. Another month or so went by and our relationship developed more and more. Now only about two week ago, he told me that he did not, in fact, like me and that he was sorry for leading me on. I felt really bad and the next day, he just went along like we were friends. I kinda accepted that fact because I’d rather have a chance later in life with him then not at all. Well, my school just had prom a day ago and both of us were there. He noticed I was a bit sad when I was around him and tried to cheer me up. Long story short, he asked me out at the end of the night.

I am completely lost in what to think now because, like I said before, I do not want to look like a weak idiot but I don’t know if he is being serious or if he is just pitying me. Any advice, please???

Category: Dating & Relationships asked May 6, 2014

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JustAnotherGirl

3 Answers

It was good that he didn't jump into the relationship after three months of breaking up. It means he respected you enough to tell you that he still needed time and that if you two were to get together, the sadness could tear the relationship apart. When later he recanted his feelings, it was probably because of this: when you help someone in need out, you two connect and he sees that you're nice about it. Then the proximity gets to you both and he says he likes you, even if, I know it's weird, he doesn't. I don't know how to explain it quite right, but that's all I can get. At prom, when he asked you out, it could have been (not saying it was for sure) that he felt guilty for leading you on in the first place. And he saw that it really hurt you. He asked you out--if I were you, I wouldn't immediately say yes. You don't know if he just feels bad and you don't want him to be with you out of guilt. What I'm ultimately trying to say is, talk to him. Ask him why he'd first say he didn't actually like you and then at prom, ask you out? Did he realize that he made a mistake and he actually did like you or was it because your sadness made him pity you and resulted in him asking you out? I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck on your situation :)

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SilentRain

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Emotions always have a fun way of running us in circles. That being said, there are two perfectly reasonable explanations for his behaviour.The first is that, come prom, he felt bad that he had led you on, and decided to date you on account of trying to ease his own guilt at having led you on and to try to make you, his friend, happy.The other is that he could have found himself liking you, then remembered the pain of the break up and it caused him to get cold feet and try to find a cop out. Fear can make even the most rational person act like a nut sometimes.My personal advice on this one is that you sit down and ask him what his thoughts are, and try to talk it out with him. I myself found myself in an awkward situation where we both came out of nasty ending relationships, were close friends and 'fell into like' with each other. The first thing we did was sit down and hash things out with our words. Long story short, that was the smartest thing we did, ever, in the history of anything.So next time you two hang out somewhere, let him know that you want to talk to him. If he's as mature as he sounds, he will accept this, and you should be able to sort out what you two want to do. It may end there and you remain friends, you may want to both let things settle for a week or so and both mull things over.Regardless of either way this goes, feel free to give me a holler if you need any more advice or just need to vent if anything goes south.

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Vee

I think he's feeling mixed emotions. Break ups are always difficult because you go from really liking someone to cutting them out of your life, and that's a hard transition to make. He is probably dealing with leftover feelings of attraction for his ex, and trying to reconcile them with the feelings he is developing for you. The feelings he has for you, though, may be making him feel guilty. Have an open and honest discussion about how the two of you feel about each other. He may just need some more time to sort out his emotions, and that's normal.

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Kate

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