I’m way too old for this. But I still need help.
So I like this guy (stay with me) and he’s so funny, probably the funniest guy I’ve ever met. I’m really attracted to a sense of humor. He’s perfect but he is totally in love with a younger girl who is (by my school’s standards) gorgeous and perfect and whatever.
I moved on (or tried to). I began to like another guy, who’s a year younger than me age wise (I’m 18) and a few years younger maturity wise (but its that darn sense of humor that gets me every time). I thought he was really really into me. At first he was just there, someone who would go out of his way to make it known (sometimes to a room of people) that he wanted to be with me. At one point, he stood up and asked to be paired with me in a matchmaking game. I thought if I ever started to like him, all I would have to do is say the word and we would be an item, right? Well. Apparently he likes a girl his own age. And she’s beautiful. And I have this on good authority from his best friend, who claims he’s a hopeless flirt. But he didn’t act around other people the way he acted around me?!
Even my best guy friend who i basically practice flirting with is in love with another girl. Not that I would go out with him, but it just hurts. I feel like no matter what, someone else is going to be the focus of their attention. I will never be the one that they fall for. I will never be desired like that.
I suffer from a number of anxiety disorders as well as neurological disorders centered around perfectionism and the desire to be liked, and as much as I try to avoid it and convince myself that I don’t have time for boys, I can’t let anything go. I am 18 years old. Never been kissed. Never been loved. Never even held hands with a member of the opposite sex. I’ve never been in one of those stupid middle school relationships.
