The best thing to do is talk. I know it's hard after staying silent for so long, but every little bit helps. It's good that you have a friend you can trust and vent to. Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand; feeling so afraid for so long can really impact your self-esteem and make life look pretty bleak. Plus, being so nervous all the time makes you tired and the feelings of depression and giving up aren't far behind that. Harming yourself can feel like the only way to release that pain you're feeling, but be wary of it. It may feel better in the moment, or even like you deserve it, but you can't heal hurt with hurt. When I've been stuck in a rut like that, I've tried to distract myself by flicking an elastic on my wrist (but BE GENTLE! I've overdone this and it has the ability to hurt you just as much as anything else- if you don't think you have enough self-control to stop yourself from going to far, don't even try it). Most of all, it takes time to understand your mind when something like this happens. If you can, seeing a therapist or any other doctor of the sort can really help, and they may even suggest a medication to make therapy and getting better a whole lot easier. If you can't, I find it helpful to write out all of my worries on a piece of paper, then beside each one write a "remedy." For example, If I am worried about an exam I'm about to do, I'll write "I am going to fail my exam." Beside that, I'll write a more rational outcome for it, such as "I have studied enough and I will do my best. I haven't failed an exam yet, and this one will not the the exception." It may feel ridiculous to write something like that, just because you're in the moment and you are afraid, but you just have to fake it until you make it. Eventually you will start to differentiate between rational thoughts and "fear" thoughts and won't have to write it out every single time, but it will that patience and practice. Again, seeing a therapist is your best approach because they will be able to give you a more personalized plan; what works for me may not work for you. I'm always here to talk if you ever need it.Best of luck!