I like to view myself as a religious person, but I must be honest. I’ve been struggling. Not with my faith, but with myself. With as much shit as I have been through in life, what if I’m not worthy of God’s love? What if I’m not worthy of happiness? I know that we must have the bad to have the good, but what about when your bad outweighs your good? I just feel like I can’t have anything good anymore. I feel like trash honestly. God says we’re perfect because we were made in his image, but… when I look in the mirror, all I see is pain hidden behind a plastered smile. Even on my darkest days, I still thank God for allowing me to breathe even when I’d rather be with him. I just want the pain to stop already. Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. I just want to feel nothing.
