Am I Toxic?


I’ve been visiting a therapist for the past year and a half now, and ever since my first session, I’ve slowly but surely learned to open up and start talking about my past. I still have problems talking about it with people who aren’t my therapist, but I’m trying and that has to count for something, right? The problem is whenever I do decide to open up to a friend(s), I feel as though I’m bombarding them with something they don’t understand; like I’m burdening them with my problems. I’ve been trying my best to make it so they know that I know that they may not have answers/advice for me. I tell them that it isn’t what I’m looking for anyway, that all I need from them is to listen and be there, and they do, they really, really do. But sometimes I feel like my problems get to them and weigh them down, and that’s the last things I want for them. I’ve lost a lot of friends before; they felt as though I was a toxic presence in their lives, and to some extent, I probably am. I guess what I’m trying to say/ask is how can I open up without being afraid of driving my friends away? I’ve been repressing my emotions for far too long, and I’m finally learning how to talk about my past, but I feel so guilty and selfish whenever I do it. Please help.

Category: asked April 11, 2015

5 Answers

I would also work on making sure that your friendship with them doesn't become 100% about them listening to your problems. If you ask them and they tell you that it has been enough for the day, or if you notice that things get too heavy, make sure to do nice friendly things and enjoy each other's company, friends means that you listen to problems but also distract friends from their problems. You can also make sure that you give them space to talk about their problems so it's reciprocal. There's some healthy zone between not sharing anything, and talking everytime only about your things, feel free to find the correct equilibrium, with their feedback.
Firstly, you're nowhere near toxic. Secondly, you're trying your best to try opening up and if you're worried about burdening them, all you have to do is ask them if it's okay for you to vent to them. If they are okay listening. And you have to ask them to be honest even if it will hurt you a little bit.
You are not a toxic person. I am the same way kind of. Whenever i would tell people like, look sometimes i can get anxious and assume things because of how i was treated in the past and i just want you to know that i just want people to tell me it is okay, and they would be like alright i will be there for you.over time they got fed up and just left me because they assumed all i wanted was for them to feel sorry for me, which was of course not the case. I understand what you are trying to say here. What does help me is if i have an issue within myself, i like to write things down in either a blog or a journal. With the people thing, i suggest you open up slowly and not say everything at once, if that person asks questions then answer them and explain that you appreciate them just listening to you, and like me, sometimes that is all we really want.Open up slowly and take it one day at a time and i promise you just because you have a hard time accepting your past and trying to talk about it and it comes off negative to some people, there is nothing wrong with you. That person just didn't know how to deal with it and that is their problem, not yours. Remember that.
I hate to say it, but every person on this planet will at some time be "toxic" without doing it on purpose. (To do it on purpose to hurt others is a different pathology.) So you know how shocked I was the first time I realized I had been through really horrific stuff and that pretty much nobody I ever met had...that's when I realized I was making their hearts hurt...the good ones...or making them want to hit me for speaking. So that is what a therapist is for... once upon a time psychiatrists also did they primarily just asses and give prescripts. So it may be time for you to learn how to move on in a manner that it is conceivable to have days...eventually even weeks, and then more, where you don't even think about it, but you practice seeing the love and beauty in the world. [It took me a lot of practice, but then it was just opening remembering moments in my life when I felt safe and happy, even for a day.] --Cool thing is, I notice that how I feel (my energy I'm giving off) helps people so much when I remember confidence and love & beauty in the world. I backslide sometimes, and that's when rockin' out to Marilyn Manson makes me feel better. (I'm eclectic in many tastes, including music.) SO...YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU DESERVE TO FEEL HAPPY!! HUG HUG HUG !!!!! ~Suzanna.
I'm not sure but I opened up to my best friends a few hours ago and don't want to drag her in my "hole" but I'm pretty sure she understands but it really hard to not drag them with you but I think you have to ask them if it getting too much that how I see it