Am I too sensitive? Need relationship advice


Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and a half. He is funny and makes me laugh, he goes out of his way to do things for me, little things like getting me a drink or sitting through my rubbish tv shows, he’lo give me his jacket when I’m cold, go to the shop for me if I want anything. He is a genuinely kind person and puts me before anything else.
When we first got together he worked as a chef, he was working Wednesday to Sunday 10 o clock in the morning until 10 o clock at night, I work Monday to Friday 9 to 5. We never got to spend any proper time together. In the end I made the decision I wasn’t happy with only seeing him for the odd hour here and there and never having time to really do anything, at this point we also lived together, so he’d come home when I was asleep and in the morning he’d still be asleep when I went to work. I told him I wanted to break up because I wasn’t happy but he promised me he’d change his job as he hated his current job anyway. So a few weeks later he managed to get a job on the night shift. He works five days a week 10 o clock until 7 am. At first this worked well, he’d be waking up at 5 when I got home and id be going to sleep at 10 when he’d be going to work and when I left for work in the morning he’d be going to sleep. However, in the following months, when he was coming home from work he didn’t go straight to sleep, he’d go to the cinema with his friends and play his Xbox while I was at work and he’d be either asleep when I got back or INCREDIBLE grumpy due to lack of sleep. We still can’t do anything on weekends properly as he sleeps through the day for work the next night. We hardly ever do anything together. Since getting with him, due to only having stolen time with him I stopped going out on the weekends so I could see him for those four hours at night and we struggle to do things on weekdays due to him being at work at ten, and on his nights off I have work the following morning so there’s not a lot we can actually do within the few hours between when I get home and need to sleep. I feel like I’ve given up my social life to make sure I get the hours in with him but he’s living the life of Riley and doesn’t give a rats arse whether we spend any time together or not. Also, when we talk, I’ll ask him questions like what sort of clubs did you join as a kid and he’ll snap as if it’s a stupid question when I’m only trying to have a conversation with him that isn’t about work. When we do spend time together, because we’re limited on time all we do is sit and watch movies. I think I’ve literally seen every single film from 1995 to 2015 because we don’t do anything else! I’ve brought this up with him and things change for a day and then it just goes back to normal. I’m at the end of my tether. I love him and he is a beautiful person inside and out but I need things to change. Or is it actually me being unreasonable? I’m always the one left crying and he seems to be happy plodding along as things are

Category: asked October 16, 2015

4 Answers

Hey if you aren't happy, you leave, it's a legitimate reason. I don't know if you want to give him a second chance, tell him again that things aren't working for you, see if he finds a third job, or if you have seen enough and are ready to leave. Ask yourself how long are you willing to stay in this relationship if things stay like this.
Though you don't have much time for each other to begin with, there may be some of that free time that he wants to spend with his friends, who he may miss. If he's taking no time at all to give to you, though, that's when it becomes a problem. If he's being snappy and isn't into doing anything but lazing around and watching movies with you, perhaps he's stressed about worked and overtired. It's no excuse to aim his bad mood at you, but it could be the reasons why. As for what to do, discuss the situation with him. Tell him you're unhappy with where you two are in your relationship, and if things don't change, perhaps take the last step and break up. You deserve to be happy in your relationship, and it's clear that there may be a lot of one-sided effort in it.
You're in a bad situation all around. Work is stressing you out because you're still on different shifts you're not getting the full benefit of actually seeing each other full time. Which is causing more stress on the relationship. Plus, you never have an opportunity to go anywhere together. Your relationship is crumbling and it's going to take a joint effort to fix it. While leaving is certainly an option it seems like the two of you could also get together to come up with a new schedule and new rules that might make things work better for you in the long run.
Sometimes it's hard to let go for many reasons it might be cause you're used to something and humans don't do well with change or maybe cause you really care about him and you don't wanna hurt him; but you have to think about yourself as well from what I've read he seems like a good person but slightly selfish cause he clearly isn't making as much of an effort to spend time with you as you are. You need to do what's good for you In the long term if that's staying with him then that's your call but 3 years down the line do you really see yourself in a relationship with him? If not then don't waste your time, it's going for be hard for sure but sometimes doing things that are right for us after hard but in the end it's all worth it. Communicate your feelings to him and if he makes an effort then good but if not I suggest you have some serious thinking to do. I hope this helped and didn't confuse you more:)