am i over reacting?

Hmmmm.... it sounds to me like he didn't break up with his fiancé. The picture thing is really weird to me because... I don't want to see the people I used to date for 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week. So, my thinking - that is really weird. The condom though, to me, seals the deal. I can think of a handful of reasons why someone would have a condom in their pocket that do not involve sex, but generally speaking, if you're keeping condoms on you, it's not because you plan on making balloon animals later.

I know it is hard to give yourself credit for things and that you put yourself down a lot, I used to do that a lot, hence the depression phase of my life and the situation I'm currently learning from.

I won't tell you what to do because that is your decision. If I were in your shoes, I would think, "oh, aren't you a clever little manipulative liar", go about things as usual (avoiding the sex part unless its reeeeeeally good) and one day, just move out. Change your phone number (if you can) or block his number, don't offer so much as a single explanation. He's a liar after all, and the way I deal with liars is I don't give them the opportunity to lie to me again, I just leave. I can tolerate some lies (that chili tasted wonderful, you look fantastic!), but if the entire relationship is based on a lie, it's sort of like a brick house built on top of a sand dune - it ain't gonna be around very long.

Still, this is HIS problem. This doesn't reflect at all on you. I've been lied to, cheated out of what was rightly mine, and supremely screwed over by people. You aren't stupid, gullible, a dummy, bad at picking people, bad at romance, or anything like that. Manipulator are good at what they do, but eventually, they all find themselves stuck in a corner. It sounds like you don't really like confrontation, so I wouldn't suggest trying to stick him in that corner (because he might weasel his way out of it). Plus, leaving without so much as one word will absolutely baffle him, make him second-guess his manipulation skills, and may lead to some kind of change, who knows?

Much luck to you. Stay strong! Keep your chin up. You deserve better and don't beat yourself up. It's good to be modest, but you can take that a little too far if you're not careful. :)

you're being played. But that's not really the issue. If you want to have good self esteem, quit sleeping with guys (especially ones 12 years older than you) until you are married. No one's going to respect a girl who 'gives it' up for free. He has no incentive to treat you with respect and love since he knows you're going to be there for him when he's horny.

Seeing as I have a different opinion than the two previous replies, I will give my thoughts on this.

In general, when you feel like you might have over reacted, my experience is that you have done just that. But I will first share my prejudices: what I think you do not write in your question, things I assume about your situation that colour my advice.

I think you are in your early thirties, which puts your man in the mid forties. The reason I think this is important, is that relationship dynamics change as you age, the older you are, the more likely it is that things move slow, because older people have experienced more broken relationships, they have a greater desire to settle down and they know more about what one person can do to another if things are not done right.

Him having pictures of his old girlfriend seems a bit odd, but it need not mean anything other than the fact that he probably enjoyed the time he had with her. If he also has pictures of you somewhere, at home or where ever, I'd not put much into that. If he quite recently ended it with the other girl, it might even be so that his colleagues do not know about the break, and he just tries to avoid unpleasant questions for a while.

Having a condom in your pocket is not a crime, and while it might seem like a strange thing, he did not conceal it; at least you saw it and he did not act strange afterwards, as I assume you would have mentioned if he did.

All this being said, I am naturally a very trusting guy. So my eventual advice is to be cautious, but give him the benefit of doubt. More importantly, the only way to keep any relationship alive is to communicate. If something bugs you, talk to him, if you feel like he makes your life better, tell him. If something he does makes you uncomfortable, tell him. Talking about stuff in relationships is the only way to figure out what is really going on. As much as we would like to sometimes, we are not mind readers. And no matter the answer, it is ALWAYS better to know than not.

Take care
Ghini