Am I hopeless, do I still stand a chance?

Where do I start? First of all, I think I have lots of issues that have piled up because I didn’t ask for help earlier.
I’m a 22 years old guy, and I have lots of self esteem issues: somedays I really just can’t look at the mirror or even walk out of the house. I feel physically ugly, and even though I hit the gym everyday to try and look better, nothing really helps. I keep comparing myself to other guys, and every single day I just realize that unfortunately looks matter, and I don’t have any.
I also am gay (no one knows yet, and no one ever will), but I’m surrounded by people that don’t really accept it, despite living in an open minded city. I’ve never had a relationship before, never kissed anyone before, never gave a hug to anyone, for the fear of being seen. My family doubts it, and ever since march 2015 they keep asking me, EVERY SINGLE DAY, when I’m going to get a girlfriend (how crushing is that?).
Finally, I also feel like i’ve been living this whole time for others. Doing whatever other people wanted me do. Yet when I complain about it, all i’m called is selfish and spoiled (because my family is rich, yet no one understands that money isn’t the solution to anything).
I’m really saddened by the fact that at 22 years old, the age that everybody says to be the best age of their lives, I have to see myself suffering like this, and going back and forth from hospitals because of this constant stomachache and headache (which are probably caused by my depression that no one realises exists, not even doctors. They just keep running these tests on me because they say it’s not really normal to have 29 days of physical pain a month.. Still they’re not getting an answer.)
These things all piled up actually make me feel like I have no future, and the only solution i’ve got in mind is death (– don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had suicidal thoughts and I really don’t want to be remembered through a suicide, I just hope that one day I won’t wake up from my bed.)
Am I hopeless? do I still stand a chance? Do you think I need a professional therapist?
Any opinions are highly appreciated…
Thanks for reading!

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AchingSilence

3 Answers

Hi Sweetie, First of all you are not hopeless and you are completely worth it!!! At your age right now, yeah looks play a big part. But looks fade. You have to learn to love the person you are. And trust me its not easy. Even though i don't know you.. I am sure deep down you have the most beautiful soul. :) I honestly think you should see a therapist and try to work on some of your issues. But you can come out of this! You have to be strong! Good luck

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Sandy

Believe it or not, the little "Thanks for reading!" at the end of your message shows a lot about who you are as a person. It shows you are kind and caring of others and don't want to be a burden to other people, yet you're crying out because, well, you're tired on the inside. That's a lot like a lot of other people so man do I encourage you to talk about your issues with people whether it be a professional therapist or people on here or people in your life. They'll relate to the principle of your situation.
You're gonna have to decide at what time you're through living a lie. I don't care who you tell it to or when you tell it or how you tell it, but if no one knows your interests in sexuality then you're going to keep feeling empty. If your family and friends are out of the question, go somewhere sometime and just tell someone. Anyone. Doesn't matter who. Join a group and tell them right away if you'd like. That way you start out the relationships with them knowing who you are from the start, at least partially, and it makes it a lot easier.
As a final note, don't get discouraged or depressed about being 22 and hoping to live up to society's expectations. The only reason people say this is the best time is because most of them have no responsibilities yet, dodge their life problems with parties and alcohol and friends, and end up falling into distress later in life when they have to meet their problems like a wall. Not being harsh, but that's most people. You are not like that. You are better than that. Don't forget that.
Best of luck to you my friend. I hope everything works out. Feel free to PM me and let me know how things are going if you ever get the thought.

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GuitarPlayerTK

i am girl and what you say is right. most of the girls are really considering looks, looks because it is the first thing that you can see in a person. you won't know his personality in just a glance. and your self-esteem is not helping. some guys are also not handsome, but they still carry on.how are you sure that you are a gay? they are asking you on when to have a girlfriend because you never bring home any. they are concern about you.you really need a therapist my dear, I'm not an expert but i can say that it is your self esteem which is the bottom line of the issue. your depression is very unhealthy. you can talk to me if you want, but all I can do is to listen and give unsure advises.I'm really, really hoping that you will be fine.

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trustme