It’s been four years since my boyfriend and I started dating.. He was my first for everything.. I was six months shy of eighteen he was twenty when we first met and it’s been a wonderful four years but I am twenty one and haven’t lived at all really.
I love him oh GOD do I love that man but I have been tied down for to long.. I wanna be free again. Travel, Party, and Adventure off to find myself in life.
We don’t share the same love for life and I’ve been feeling pretty distant from him.. but can’t tell him because he’ll end up crying and start saying a bunch of stuff that makes me feel sorry for him so I just end up saying something like “Nevermind I love you.. Don’t worry I just have my moments.”
I can’t hide my feelings anymore or suppress them everytime they come up anymore it’s really taking a toll on my mental health.. sometime I think it’s just in my head I wanna live my life out like a movie and there’s no need to walk away from a good man.
Then on the other hand when I do get these urges to leave and live on my own for a little I find myself extremely depressed knowing I can’t.. because I don’t want to break his heart…
I have no idea what to do I love him and he has done things, taught me things, and shown me things that I would have never know if it wasn’t for him.
He tells me all the time.. I’m his one. His family/friends My family/friends are questioning me when are we going to get married and start a family?…
I’M TWENTY ONE! I don’t want any of that right now!
It’s so depressing how I can’t figure out what I do in the situation.. I guess to sum it up is that I just wanna live the life I had planned before settling down with anyone and if it was anyone it would be if.. but I don’t know I don’t think I’m completely crazy for feeling this way?
Should I just leave soon or just stick it out.. I want to live the life I want but in the end I wanna come back. Should I just leave for good?.. I mean there’s hardly any spark in our relationship which I crave and have been for some time now.. and I can’t express how I feel to him without worrying about if he’ll burst into tears.. Someone anyone an opinion?