Am I done with this relationship?

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It’s been four years since my boyfriend and I started dating.. He was my first for everything.. I was six months shy of eighteen he was twenty when we first met and it’s been a wonderful four years but I am twenty one and haven’t lived at all really.

I love him oh GOD do I love that man but I have been tied down for to long.. I wanna be free again. Travel, Party, and Adventure off to find myself in life.

We don’t share the same love for life and I’ve been feeling pretty distant from him.. but can’t tell him because he’ll end up crying and start saying a bunch of stuff that makes me feel sorry for him so I just end up saying something like “Nevermind I love you.. Don’t worry I just have my moments.”

I can’t hide my feelings anymore or suppress them everytime they come up anymore it’s really taking a toll on my mental health.. sometime I think it’s just in my head I wanna live my life out like a movie and there’s no need to walk away from a good man.

Then on the other hand when I do get these urges to leave and live on my own for a little I find myself extremely depressed knowing I can’t.. because I don’t want to break his heart…

I have no idea what to do I love him and he has done things, taught me things, and shown me things that I would have never know if it wasn’t for him.

He tells me all the time.. I’m his one. His family/friends My family/friends are questioning me when are we going to get married and start a family?…

I’M TWENTY ONE! I don’t want any of that right now!

It’s so depressing how I can’t figure out what I do in the situation.. I guess to sum it up is that I just wanna live the life I had planned before settling down with anyone and if it was anyone it would be if.. but I don’t know I don’t think I’m completely crazy for feeling this way?

Should I just leave soon or just stick it out.. I want to live the life I want but in the end I wanna come back. Should I just leave for good?.. I mean there’s hardly any spark in our relationship which I crave and have been for some time now.. and I can’t express how I feel to him without worrying about if he’ll burst into tears.. Someone anyone an opinion?

Category: Tags: asked February 16, 2014

2 Answers

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I think-and believe me when I say I'm no expert with relationship stuff-I think you really need to have that talk with him. You need to tell him that you aren't living the life you hope you'd live. If he cries hand him a tissue but don't back down. Honestly it sounds to me like you guys are heading toward a messy breakup unless you get this sorted out.
I know you say you love him but that isn't always enough. Especially since it sounds like you feel trapped. That's not good. It's not good and it's not conducive to a good relationship. Explain to him that you don't want this to end but if you guys are going to keep on being together somethings have to change. I feel like a calm and rational discussion about where you both are in the relationship and what you both want is the only way to salvage what you have.
If even after your talk he's not willing to meet you halfway, then I would really suggest you guys break up before it gets ugly. You'll start to resent him. He'll worry that you don't care. It'll blow up and you guys will have a huge fight or you'll just leave without a word. And I'm pretty sure neither of you wants something like that.
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All that you've written up there, those are your honest feelings. Life is amazing and it would be a waste not to live it to the fullest. You don't feel like you're living your life to the fullest now. It's like your boyfriend is anchoring you down when you want and know that you can soar higher. I think you may have been brushing off your own feelings and wants a little too much, compromising for his comfort than yours. If this continues, your love for him will diminish bit by bit, replaced by resentment, and in the end, the only reason you hang on to this relationship is because of your feelings of responsibility, feeling indebted to him who was your firsts and taught you everything.

So yes, talk to him about your real feelings and remember, empathise. Not sympathise. And if you want him on your adventurous journey of a new life phase, extend him the invitation. He's a grown man so let him choose to understand and respect your expectations of life.