Although im an okay looking and genuine guy, no women are ever attracted to me, why?

I’ve been alone for almost 22 years now. Trust me its not the best feeling in the world. It Is such a suffocating and crippling feeling. I hate it. I feel like it would have helped me so much throughout life if I had someone there with me. I know that it would have comforted me and gave me some peace. I am at the worst part of my life so far. I am just psychologically suffering. And being with some definitely makes things a lot better and easier. I’ve come to the realization that it will never happen for me. All my life iv always wanted a relationship but all I ever got is just fucking around for a bit then that’s it. I’ve given up on a relationship, but I just want to honestly know why from as many girls as possible. That is what led me here. I cant ask someone I know but I can ask someone iv never met.
I’ve never in my life had one, its sad. I’ve only fucked around that’s it. Its weird you’d think the girl would want the relationship and the guy would be happy with just sex.
I would talk on the phone for a bit then we’d see each other 1-3 times. Then that’s it. We might have sex those 1-3 times but that’s it. And this is once in a blue, but no girl wants me or has ever wanted me. And honestly not to sound like an ass and I know people are trying to help and I very much appreciate them doing that, but I am tired of hearing that ill meet someone some day. If it was going to happen, i would have at least been in one relationship with in 22 years, don’t you think? For some reason, to put it bluntly, I’m undesirable. No one has ever cared for me and I’m not just talking about a girl. I am talking about all girls. Even ones I know, whom I consider friends. Even guy friends. I feel like I have the shittiest support cast in my life. I never could understand why. I swear to all who read this, I’m not just saying this to you. I swear I’m not a liar. Remember, I just told you how people don’t like me and girls wont date me. So I think we can say I’m an honest man. Who would like to admit those things. I swear I’m the nicest guy in the world. I am not just nice to friends, but strangers and as well as everyone I come across. Even people who did me wrong. I’m nice to everyone. I’m full of compassion. I’m very honest and loyal. I’m very open minded even though my family isn’t and I was raised in a house that was not open minded and all my siblings turned out that way, but I didn’t. I was able to break away from tradition. Also, I’m not saying I’m Ian Somerhalder, I’m not drop dead sexy at all, but I’m a fairly good looking guy. I know I’m not ugly. And I never show anyone this side of me, so I know some of you are going to say it’s a confidence thing. Its not, I’m pretty confident and down to earth when I am around women. It is something much deeper than that. I hate to believe that its just looks and I’m simply not good looking enough for women. I’d hate to believe women are that shallow in 2014. Basically, all I’m good at is having a really good genuine heart. However, women don’t seem to value these things in me at least.
Despite all this, every girl ever in my life has rejected me without ever giving me a chance. People always distance themselves for me. No one ever calls me. No one ever calls to hang out. I’m either at work or home alone. No one has ever done a nice gesture for me. I don’t know what it feels like to have someone care for me and it is the worst feeling in the world. I’ve never got a birthday gift from anyone.
No one has ever called me or texted me to say happy birthday. Even though, I always text and call everyone else and get them gifts. I’ve never got a party or anything like that. Even though I’ve thrown other people parties. I never went out for my birthday because friends never told me, “hey lets go out this weekend and celebrate your birthday”.
Let me give you examples. When I was 12 I started working with my father so I had money. I bought my cousin a 150 necklace, since then, she has never called me to say happy birthday or anything. I am a muay thai fighter. My trainer a few years ago, I got him a 150 gift and he didn’t’ even say thank you. He claimed that he didn’t know it was from me so my birthday passes and I’m expecting a phone call from him. He calls me and asks what am I doing. I was home doing nothing. He asked if I could hit the sauna with him because he was getting ready for his fight that weekend and fighters use the sauna to cut weight for a fight. I went because I know what it feels like to be in there alone and it sucks. I went and spent the day in the sauna on my birthday and I was expecting at least a happy birthday. He says nothing. And after all this I still went to his fight, which all together costs 100 dollars when you account for everything. I did all this because I wanted to support my trainer. At a time I really needed the money. So that following Monday after class, he told us all to wait and at that exact moment I’m telling myself well he had a big fight the same week as my birthday so he had a lot on his mind, its okay that he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. Right after I thought that he came out with a big ass cake for my friend. His birthday was a few days after mine. Who didn’t ever get my trainer anything for his birthday or ever for that matter. I felt like shit that was the most hurtful thing anyone had ever done to me. I felt like shit even after that he went to Thailand and brought all the fighters custom shorts except me. Then another case right after my birthday he went over seas and came back and gave all my friends gifts right in front of me and got me nothing. How can someone be this cold? I don’t understand. The reason I brought this up is because this is god honest how I’ve been treated throughout my entire life by everyone; more notably, all of the women. This was just an example I could think of right now. This shit is honestly so freaking hurtful and im reaching my breaking point. A girlfriend in my life would make things so much easier for me because they provide peace and comfort, which a lot of guys do see or understand. They don’t appreciate it like I do, which is why a lot of them cheat.
Imagine being treated like this from everyone your whole life
it takes its psychological toll on you. Never has anyone ever came to support me. Girls are the same, they all treat me probably worse. They all just close their hearts to me, but open it to the next guy. They just have no interest in me at all, but have all the interest in the world for the next guy. And I never could comprehend why? Someone please explain it to me. I can see if I was an asshole, but I’m honestly the nicest guy in the world, I’m not awkward, I’m a normal guy I know how to act and talk around them. I feel like I’m cursed. I’m starting to honestly believe that now.
I want to know every girl who reads this’s honest opinion about all this and something else. And please be honest.
If you saw me I’m sure you’d say no to me as well, but why? I want to know why? Tell me please and be honest. I can email you pictures of me. If that makes you uncomfortable maybe I can email an old account you no longer use. Or just log onto one of mine and my pictures will be on there.
Or look at my facebook, but please I need this question honestly answered or I feel like ill be depressed for ever.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked June 20, 2014

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Bruce19120

11 Answers

Hey. I am 17. female. I may not give the best answer here but i am gonna say what i believe it's like
To me, honestly, I think you're goin on about the idea of "good guy". Being "good" is not all. Like AnAverageGirl said "The heart wants what the heart wants. Eventually you'll find someone whose heart wants you.".
I know you have been alone all your life but a girlfriend is not gonna make things better. What you need is a genuine and true friend, which are REALLY hard to find, are very rare. :/
And I see you're expecting too much! From everyone! Don't! Expectations lead to disappointment. Stop doing so much for people. If you do, dont expect people to treat you the same way! Dont sit there to get the results of it. I mean if you do good, do it with all your heart! Else, don't.
Sometimes, you gotta be your own hero. Like that jackass friend of yours who brings everyone gifts but you? Distance yourself from him. That's the way. If he doesnt respect you or care for you, you might as well just let go of something that doesnt exist. He is NOT your friend.
Open up. When i befriend someone, who i find nice, i tell them things about me, to let them see the real me. And yes, not everyone becomes your true friend, or your soulmate, normally people become very true friends because of the same personality or problems they share. That can be one way to befriend someone, if you want to. But dont forget; not everything is gonna be how you imagined it to be.
If it helps, talk to people on this site. Start anew. Until you find a good friend, 1) be your own hero. 2) Stop expecting too much 3) Don't give up hope.

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Miza ツ

1,906

Being alone is never an easy thing to deal with and some people just dont understand. The human mind feeds on love, care and affection and when it doesnt get it people can get hurt and feel really bad about themselves. I can't imagine how you have felt over the years and to be honest with you I would expect any changes for a while. The best thing you can do is relocate and start again somewhere new with new people because when you surround yourself in a new culture you might be surprised with what you find. Everyone will say that you will find the one some day and you just have to wait but I bet you're done with waiting because I mean you've been waiting for 22 years and thats really unfair but it will only get tougher before it gets better. You have to keep pushing and keep doing exactly what you do, dont let anyone change the way you are because thats the only thing you can do. Keep being nice and keep trying to meet up with people and keep trying to contact those girls that didnt because when you're gone they will feel guilty as hell. Buy your trainer a gift everyday and his guilt will only grow because you dont deserve to be treated this way, but you got to stick your head down and keep going. I know this didnt really answer your question but I dont think there is just one straight up answer and i felt like just helping you out. Hope this helped you out even just a little. Stay strong. Kayson

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Kayson

Hi! I know how you feel because I've been single for 23 years. I'm one year ahead of you in that scenario. I have experienced sex and dating but have never been in a long-term relationship, which kind of sucks because you just see each and every one of your friends (even the not-so-pretty ones) get boyfriends and you wonder what's wrong with you. I also have the problem of expecting too much in a relationship, which I think is also the case with you. You see, whenever I date someone I subconsciously cling to the hope and possibility that we would end up together and become bf/gf. That expectation is not wrong, but it intimidates them especially when by my actions I unintentionally demand too much from them. As an example, I actually couldn't sleep for weeks asking myself why this guy I'm seeing for a month doesn't seem to want to be my bf. i didn't even stop to think for those moments whether i actually want him to be my bf. I was so preoccupied with finding out if he ever was attracted to me that way or if i could ever be attractive that way. That stems from a deeper insecurity and it's terrible to deal with it. I also happen to be very friendly and optimistic when with friends but end up being kinda lame when it comes to dating. I actually thought of giving up on dating entirely because I was so hurt that this one guy I hung out with admitted that he'd prefer that we be in an open relationship than in a committed long-term relationship. He admitted that he thinks I'm an awesome friend but he doesn't think I would be that great as a gf.What I'm trying to say is the dating world is not very easy to navigate. But that doesn't mean you stop trying. You will never find a girlfriend if you keep waiting around for it to happen. You have to actively try to find one. Like they say, falling stars don't just crash through your window. If you want it, you have to go and get it.I am not saying I am a dating expert, because I am not very good with it as well. I am just speaking from experience. Even if things didn't work out, most of my dates have lasted a minimum of a month and at least a maximum of three months. Sometimes, it gets cut short if the two of you are just not comfortable. But that's okay. That person might not be the best for you anyway, and you don't have to settle. The thing is, you may still not have a gf after dating a certain number of girls or asking a few of them out, but you are in a fairly better position than when you waited around for things to happen.Girls don't just come up to you to ask you to be their bf. You have to try to make an effort to really get to know a girl before you can expect to see if she's also interested in you as much as you are interested in her. You will never know what you're capable of unless you try. So just go ahead and try. We may feel rejection or we may get hurt in the process, but you learn to become stronger and you learn to pursue only those that you really care about instead of randomly pursuing any girl who happens to be remotely interested.I hope that helps.

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SiRen

Yup life sucks. But your a nice guy...that's it. I think you need to tell them how horrible they have been treating you contrast to how you treat them. And for god's sake your NICE...TOO NICE! Be a little bit mean...yeah girls like soft guys but with a edge...your too moshy/considerate. Thus you need to toughen up and be easy going and nice at TIMES...NOT ALWAYS!People are taking advantage of you due to your niceness...they need to realize you have boundaries too. And that Trainer of yours...what an asshole...*literally punching him in the face until he's sobbing*!Lastly, your not undesirable if you were,you wouldn't be fucking around...so that issue is covered. Furthermore, you DO PARTIES FOR THEM WITHOUT THEM ASKING YOU....DON'T DO THAT EVER & DON'T BUY THEM PRESENTS IF THEY DON'T DO THE SAME!...see very simple? Your just too nice babes...you need to be a little bit of a jerk...because its YOU who gives presents and don't RECEIVE ONE.So don't be dependent on people...be independent and laid back...things will work out...and stop stressing out at least you have sex...there are people out there that don't even get lustful look...so be grateful sweetheart life aint that fucked up.-Peace xx EmmaP.S- I am a blunt lass if you didn't notice yet...and if you want more advice or opinion message me on this site and be my friend...I think your sweetness is contagious...shit! -Joking if you don't have any sense of humor.

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LoudnBlunt

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Hello, I'm sorry you're feeling so low.I can relate - when I turned 19 and entered college I had resigned myself to never being with anyone. That was so young to give up! After a while in college, I met my s/o..I think we all give up on love too easily, and I know that it's not what you want to hear, but from my experience..when I had finally given up on finding that one special person, I did find them. Now we've been together for 6 years.I hope this helps in some way.-Aslyn

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Aslynima

Hi there. I'm a guy, not a girl, but I just have a few words that I hope might help.

The biggest thing that helped me was just to be interested and curious about other people. I found that the more interested in others I became, the more they liked me.

I didn't try to force it (that would make me like an interrogator!), but if people seemed happy to talk about themselves that I tried to be curious about the details of their lives.

People love to talk about themselves (usually!).

I went through a phase where I totally gave up on having a girlfriend. Instead, I decided I was just going to have as much fun with my friends as possible. I decided to treat all women just the same way I treated my male friends. And what happened? 2 months later I started dating my wife - we've been together 12 years now.

Never give up, my friend. Unless you have a crystal ball, you never know what is around the corner.

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ProcedurallyGeneratedSprite

219

You can't expect women to just love you because you're a nice guy. Attraction doesn't work that way. The heart wants what the heart wants. Eventually you'll find someone whose heart wants you.

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an average girl

216

Alright, a super short background on me so you know where I'm coming from: I'm almost 19, and about to start my second year of college. I've been in almost-long-term relationships, but 5 months was the longest one. Like the others have said, you sound like you're being way too nice to the people in your life for what they do for you (nothing). Honestly, I think you should tell those closest to you exactly how you feel they treat you and get a change of scenery. Before college, I felt super awkward around the same people I'd known for years, because it's hard to change when in front of people who know your past self. But when I went to college and got a complete change in crowds and found new friends, I found it much easier to be the person I wanted to be and get the kind of attention I felt I deserved. I don't mean to tell my life story, but I'm just saying that you need to get away from it all for awhile, if not permanently. Lastly, I feel I need to tell you that you cannot blame those around you for all of your problems. If you feel like people in general do not tend to like you, then take a minute to have a hard look at yourself. Try to answer these questions: What kinds of things in particular do I say that tend to end conversations? What kinds of things can I say to keep conversations going? How can I act around other people (particularly women) to make them feel more comfortable around me? I spent many days in my past thinking long and hard about questions similar to these in an attempt to make other people more comfortable around me and vice-versa. Whatever happens, just remember: You have control of your life. You have the power to make situations you desire happen. You just have to figure out how, which is something you alone can figure out.

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Skittrix

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so i may not be the best at answering dating advice since i just said no to a guy but i am still a girl who knows things that a 14 year old should not know. you feel like everyone is ignoring you or doesn't care about you. i feel that a lot too. how i get through it is, i look at myself in a mirror and i look at all my flaws first, then i look at all my perfections. i think that if i can see past the imperfections maybe someday someone else will too. you talk about sleeping with these women and then they never talk to you again, well in my opinion, you are going to fast. i mean you meet the girl then sleep with her in 1-3 dates. not every girl wants a man that only serves as a sex toy. the girl you are looking for is someone just like you. she may just want a guy to make her feel better about life or about herself. as for your friends, get new ones. i know that may seem hard but when they treat you that bad, you shouldn't waste your time on them. next time you get someone a gift make sure it is cheap as heck and something simple. that way, if they don't appreciate you for it, then at least you didn't spend your time and money on them. the best advice for you right now is to go outside and find people who actually care about you.

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Tammie

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Brook, are you actually being serious?

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an average girl

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-5

Because it seems like all woman want is a rich guy or a hot guy

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Brook

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