I’m 14 F and so far I haven’t amounted to much. I always persist on trying to ignore what the world requests of me, and I cant even tell anyone apart from anonymous psychologists on the internet. Roughly every two days I tell myself “it would be so much goddamn easier to kill myself, maybe I should. sounds like a good idea” but I’ve never so much as picked up a blade. I get infuriated by practically anything I don’t want and all this anger continually builds up and turns in on itself. I cant do homework, I hardly manage to do assignments on time, I ignore my mum until she has to yell and scream at me after two hours to unpack the dishwasher, I love it when she gives up and does it herself, I’m stubborn and aggressive towards people I don’t know, I pretend to like them if doing so would attract attention, I snarl at them when they finally leave me alone. I want to die so I can get rid of all this moronic interruption. I get random pain and sickness from the anger boiling in my chest. And yet I’ve never told anyone, I don’t know why but I just don’t want to bother with other people. My whole life so far is plagued by suicidal thoughts, not telling anyone how I feel about anything and generally hating everyone but my friends. Am I mentally ill? Do I have a personality disorder? Or am I just sick in the head?
