Abuse.

My boyfriend is constantly threatening to break up whenever we have a fight…usually the fight is because I try to explain how I feel about a certain situation and he turns it into a huge. He verbally abuses me on a daily basis, and when we fight, he tries to leave and pushes or drags me out of the way and threatens to actually hit me (never has though)

Every time we have a fight, it’s “my fault” and I have to “get better” and leave him alone, and let him play video games and hang out with people whenever he wants and only get attention when he wants to…If I even mention doing something that I want to do, like go swimming, or go shopping, etc. it turns into a huge fight…(unless of course he wants to) I try to explain to him it’s not a one way street…and I promised to get better…not to obey him…

Well, about 30 mins ago we had a fight about getting a cat (note: I have been trying to convince him to get a cat since we moved into our new place 6 months ago, since he went ahead and got a dog when I said I did not want one.) and so last month he said I could (as long as I kept the house clean…like he is my father or something)…I would like to point out I have had a million chances to get a cat, but he wouldn’t let me….today I was supposed to meet up with someone to get a kitten but they failed to answer 4 times…So I told him that if he would have just let me get a cat before…I wouldn’t be in this situation…

It started this huge fight and he started calling me names, and he pushed me, so I yelled “how do you like being pushed” and pushed him because I was fuckin tired of him putting his hands on me. He then proceeded to throw me around the room, and push me against walls and drag me across the floor and throw stuff at me…he twisted my arm around my back…and kicked my leg…

I don’t know what to do…I just am so sick of the abuse (verbally and physically) and I am sick of getting attention when he wants attention and only doing things he wants to do to avoid a unnecessary fight…

He is at work now, I don’t know what to do.
I love him with all of my heart…I really do…

Category: Abuse asked September 11, 2014

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showmetheskyline

5 Answers

I agree, leave and don't look back! Don't let him coy you back into a relationship. There is no reason for you to have to put up with that sort of behavior. This can and probably will end up in a more abusive relationship. He will continue to push you and see how far he can get. This man obviously has some issues that he needs to deal with himself. Instead of him threatening to leave, I think you should just go! If he refuses to let you, wait until there is a time you can get out when he can't stop you.

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Squidfase

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Well, never rise a hand on women, ever. That being said, You two do not belong together at all. He threats to break up, or he wants to break up? Because I am like that. "Let end this right now!" At last the dishes do not fly around, like ours. He won't change, and you won't change. This will happen over and over. Is it worth it to stay together? You decide.

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Iksion

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Leave.

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Janelle

Showmetheskye, you are describing a classic situation of domestic violence. I know that you love him, that he is your world and that you can't imagine a life without him. I am guessing that you may not necessarily see yourself as a victim of domestic violence, because you sound like a strong and independent woman from what you've described. But it can happen to anyone. I'm glad you stood up to him, but also concerned, because sometimes that can escalate the situation, make him more likely to hurt you, but obviously not standing up will do the same

You need to get out. Where are you located? There are/should be women's shelters/organisations who can help you formulate a safe plan for leaving. This situation is not going to get better, it will get worse and I (as I am sure as well as others) are concerned about your safety. Domestic violence is one of the leading causes of death for women in both the developed and non-developed world. If he's hitting you, pushing you, making you feel horrible about yourself, what makes you think he'll stop there?

Think about your situation. Are you happy? Do you come home in fear, uncertainty about what you might find? While you have your good days, are you starting to notice that perhaps the bad are beginning to outweigh the good? I would think perhaps, if you are posting on a website such as this.

I've attached a link for you, as I don't know your geographic location I can't direct you to a women's shelter/organisation. Have a read through, when you are ready and see if perhaps some of the stories/situations are mirroring what you are experiencing. It might help give you a better perspective.

Domestic Violence and Abuse

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Syropae

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Hey sweetheart.

First I want you to know that you're definitely not alone in this situation, and that you have all of us here for support if you feel like you need it. We may be strangers, but we're all members of the human race.

I love this TED talk on abuse, please do take 15 minutes to watch it, I promise you it's worth it.

I hope that the video will give you a clearer idea of the situation you may be in, because it's difficult to see when you're actually in it, even if it's blatantly obvious and everyone around you can see it.

That being said, I understand that everyone's situation is different, and if you truly feel, after the video and all, that your situation isn't like a "typical domestic abuse case", then I would suggest, well, trying to talk to a therapist about it. You know, those couple therapists?

I don't think he would be open to the idea, but if he really does love you, he will be able to see the anguish his behaviour is causing you, and he will at least try. Otherwise, the best course of action would be to leave him, and if he still harasses you, take either legal action or social security (as in telling all your friends and family about him so the chances of him being able to harm you are lower).

Women are majestic, shockingly strong and beautiful creatures. I trust in you, and don't let your life be ruined because of this one person, unless you know deep in your heart that he is truly worth it, and that he really does love you. Only you know all the complexities of your relationship.

I do hope you watched the TED talk, because I think it will really help you to get a clearer idea of the situation you may be facing. All the best and please feel free to PM me if you're still hesitant. I may be no expert but I'm always here to help; I want to.

Cheers,
Cheryl

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Cheryl

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