About blah etiquette: how long should we wait before disconnecting from a chat?

There's a short window for people to reconnect, like 20 seconds? After that, you see the buttons change position, and the words on the screen change, and you won't reconnect automatically anymore. So if you want to wait, wait the 20 seconds.
That said, if you don't like your listener because they aren't engaging or seem doing it half-assedly, nothing stops you from trying the next one immediately.

well jut recently the site has been acting up and disconnects by itself ALOTi wait around for a couple of mins when someone disconnects. if they dont come back then....oh well :P lolbtw you can msg me anytime if youd like to talk\vent about anything at all :)

Sometimes people are overwhelmed and don't want to listen, that is true. I personally always talk to my venter until we have completed the conversation and often started down a different track. I'm willing to bet that most if not all of those 5 people that disconnected were just confused, thinking that you had left, and that is why they moved on to a different chat. See, in this new chat format, whenever you disconnect and it doesn't redirect you right away, the text on the screen says "your partner has disconnected" instead of "you have disconnected" leaving them to think that you left. Probably a misunderstanding on their part. It may also be that some of them did just not want to continue the conversation, or they had to leave. In that case I still think that they would have informed you that they were leaving, possibly even making up an excuse, but still. As I said before, it was likely a misunderstanding. And you're right, the "missed connections" doesn't work terribly well, in fact, it only works I think if they remember their chat name and yours and they respond. I could be wrong, I've only used it once, but that's how it seemed to work for me. I hope that was helpful, and I am sorry that you're having trouble with the chat. If your listeners keep disconnecting, feel free to message me if you like, I'd be glad to listen and help in any way I can.=)

Generally as a listener, I ask the person what I can do for them, they tell me what they are having issues with, I ask questions to get a better grasp of the situation and then provide what I think to be the best advice for whatever situation I'm volunteering to deal with and ask the person how they feel about my suggestion, if it appeals to them, I ask them if there is anything else I can help them with, if it doesn't I suggest other things until the right thing for them pops into view. After that I again ask them if there is anything else, if there is I go through the process again and if there isn't I wish them the best of luck and say goodbye. You can pretty much apply that to the venting situation except it's the other way around. :)