I am a recent university graduate with a BS in computer science. Currently seeking employment, but I am also interested in finding a relationship.
I have never been in a relationship with someone due to a combination of two things. At first, I was always under the impression that a relationship would be too much of a distraction and so I needed to focus on getting my education first. The second was that I haven't met anyone I was genuinely attracted to that I also felt I would click with. Before I graduated I can say I met someone who might have fit the latter, but I just wasn't attracted to her. I don't know if this was in part due to the first reason with being focused on getting through school, but I didn't pursue a relationship because I if it did turn into something, then I would feel like I was lying at some level due to not being physically attracted to her at all.
Since I am now graduated, I would like to start dating. There are two mental barricades that I am actively aware of that prevent me from trying to. The first is that I keep telling myself I need a job first because otherwise I would have no source of income and thus no way to pay for anything on a date (such as dinner, a movie, etc.). This could just be an excuse that I keep justifying due to it making sense to me. The second is my worry that my sexual interests would be viewed as strange by most women and thus would result in the end of the relationship when found out. I alternative would be to let them know about these from the beginning, but I feel that could be a way of preventing any potential relationship from starting. I don't foresee these changing in the future, and I felt the need to try and talk to others about this. And thus why I came here.