SaveMe | Activity Streams | BlahTherapy - Online Therapy and Counseling Services.

Passing Stranger
110
QA Reputation
0

Mood : Alone
Passing Stranger
110
QA Reputation
0

Display Name	SaveMe
About Me	It's hard to tell others about myself. I don't want people to know me because I don't even know myself. Growing up, I was somewhat bullied for being overweight. I never understood why I would have things thrown at me or why they wanted to hurt me with their words. I never did anything to them. There was even one kid who was at least 6 years older than me who we went to church with his family (and he had a sister my age) and he would call me names when walking past me and once he even threw a snowball in my face where it cut my eye! When I got picked on for what felt like no reason, it really hurt my self image. I can't seem to love myself because I've been made to feel that I am NOT goof enough my whole life. Always being told, "You can do better, " when you're doing your best to begin with is hard. I don't feel good enough. Feeling this way has made me withdraw from the world and I don't want to feel like this anymore, but I don't know how to have confidence in myself when I feel like everyone is always saying, "You can do better than that." Why is everyone so concerned with doing MORE? Why can't people accept that I do my best at everything I can? I'm not a failure, but it sure makes me feel like when people keep expecting more and more from me. I don't know how to stand up for myself in that kind of position, especially when what I HAVE accomplished was NOT a failure. One job told me I worked too slow, while I was folding all the clothes that messy customers don't care about. How are customers supposed to care about your store and your merchandise if someone doesn't make it look good/appealing? I care and that's why I take my time when I work to make sure it gets done right the first time so I don't have to be told my job wasn't done well enough. Damed if I do and damned if I don't. I'm just freaking tired of caring what people think anymore and trying to make them like and care about me. I am a GREAT friend, but if you abuse my friendship it's over. Besides having horrible social anxiety (thanks to those people out there who forget others are sensitive and have real feelings), I am almost 30 and live with my parents because I have a chronic pain condition called Fibromyalgia, which means I can't hold a job because of how unpredictable the condition can be. My last job lasted only 3 months because I can't stand and carry heavy equipment for even just a few hours. While employed, my work schedule was all over the place as I worked only part time and I eventually started becoming ill often. I would be vomiting for up to 12 hours day or night causing me not to get sleep for work the next day or actually being sick when I was supposed to be at work. I just want a friend who understands these things about me and can just be nice to me. I don't always need advice. Mostly I just want a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell me I'll be ok and that there is nothing wrong with me. Talking to someone I know is too difficult sometimes. I don't want the people I love to know how much I'm hurting on the inside. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still alive.
Age	39
Experienced with	Abuse, Addiction, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, General, Marriage, Mental Disorders, Phobias, Relationships, Self Harm, Sexuality, Social Anxiety
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