Recently I’ve self-diagnosed myself with misophonia. Some days it’s bad but the good days are worse, because those are often the days that I worry in the moments before I fall asleep whether I’m even really misophonic. Maybe I’ve been faking it this whole time. Maybe it’s just a phase. Maybe I’m just begging for attention and maybe I’m just some stupid kid who can’t control themselves.
The bad days, if bad, are reassuring. Those days my knuckles turn white while I eat. Those days I skip lunch at school because I’m simply not in the mood. Those mornings I want to hit my dog because of the /horrible/ noises he makes. They make my heart race just thinking about them.
I’m just afraid that my self diagnosis is that of an ill-informed and immature child who can’t even control their own anger.
I mean, it’s just noises. It shouldn’t get to me this much.
I just wish I wasn’t constantly asking myself whether this whole ordeal is really mental illness.