Ms. Pleaze, I’m forcing myself to write this because I’m tired of feeling this way.

I will likely never discuss this with you in person,because it’s very personal but,I feel like a loser, I feel as though if I did have a girlfriend (in the future) she’d cheat on me or simply leave me because I’m not enough, physically,mentally,financially,etc. I’m laying it all out on the table I focus so much on this because as I’ve said before academics and other normal things bore me and my entire reason for perusing a career or living in general is the hope that I’ll find someone,I’ve challenged this purpose in life because I know having 1 reason to live is a big gamble especially since so much of that dream involves someone other than me. I’ve tried my best to deter myself from pursuing that want because why should I give anyone the chance to break my heart I’m trying so hard that I’ve gone to the extent of never using my emotions and using logic no matter how cold it may be so that I can be more efficient in helping other people,by being a problem solver,so I can go to school,So i can be adequate in general because I don’t really want anything for myself because I know how getting something ends,by having it taken away and I’m too much of a pussy to endure that…no amount of fond memories is worth what I’d feel if I did invest myself or my life in what society has to offer

Email I just sent my real life therapist,anyone else feel this way?