friendships and relationships…

i have been with a boy for the past almost 9 months. the day after he asked me to be his girlfriend, my best friend since the 3rd grade confessed that she also had feelings for the same boy. (im currently going into freshmen year.) i felt horrible for not noticing her crush and for staying with this guy anyway, although i did tell her: “if this makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, let me know and if he really likes me, then he’ll understand. if you feel like it’d be easier if i just break up with him, then i’ll do it.” (and you have to understand how hard it was for me to say that. i have incredibly strong feelings for him.) but she said “no, stay with him. i see how happy he makes you and you make him.” and so, after 9 long months, we are still happily together. although my best friend doesnt talk to me as much anymore.. i know she still has feelings for him. ugh im sorry if i am being selfish but at this point, i feel that she is dragging this on far too long. and to be honest, if roles were switched, i would have moved on by now, for THEIR sake and for mine as well. now i just dont know what to do, what to feel… help :c

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carmen

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5 Answers

Well, there isn't an easy solution here. Either way you lose someone. The way she's feeling is perfectly understandable. If you weren't able to give him up for her, why would she be able to? She might just need her space. That said, I can understand why you're still dating him. Maybe your friend will eventually come around. Maybe you should have a frank discussion with her and listen to how she feels, then she might feel better. Maybe, if you guys eventually break up, you can be friends with her again then. You'll have to learn this for yourself, and definitely do learn it for yourself, but friends are worth more than boyfriends in high school- at the same time, friendships change a lot when you're in high school. It's up to you, you're the one who has to live with your decisions, and it sounds like you're okay with what you've decided, and I agree. Just try to smooth things over.

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Minora. Just Minora.

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i know it's a hard decision but in the end you can't stop your heart for choosing what it wants,People come and go that's life's way of telling you it wasn't ment to be,I'm sure if your friend really cares about you she will come around.

I think you need to talk to your friend, and ask her about how things are going, and help her to understand that it won't help anyone if she stays hooked on like this. I've seen similar things happen, and once she decides that she's not going to carry on, she'll slowly stop. It won't be instant, but once you make the decision to recover, you can - until then, you'll stay in the blue. She's decided that she doesn't want to try and climb this hole that she's spent nine months digging, so you need to convince her to and give her a boost up.Not exactly speaking from experience, but I know that when there's an awkward conversation to be had, 90% of the time it's better to go for it. She needs to know what she's doing and she needs to know how to recover.

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TheMatter

I understand you trying to abide by "girl code" but don't let your best friend be the reason why you break up with a dude just cause you both like him. Your happiness matters as well. She, being your best friend, should be happy for you. Although, she told you what she did, she's probably jealous inside and her way or coping with it is avoiding you but if she meant the words that she said then her being around and possibly him as well, shouldn't really bother her. There's plenty of men in this world. You aren't selfish for being happy. If you and him are happy, that's all that matters. If she stopped talking to you because of that then to hell with her. She should respect your decision. It's not like you already knew prior to her telling you and that you went with him just to get at her. I personally don't think that it's selfish of you. If she's dragging it on, then that's her problem not yours. She can make herself miserable all she wants. She'll have to get over it eventually. I wish the best of luck to you and him.

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ForeignGoddess

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