Profile picture of Novell
Passing Stranger

676

QA Reputation

0

Novell said 9 years, 11 months ago:

At one time i loved the night. I really did. Now i hate the night. Its when all the bad shit starts creeping on me and chocking me. Every bit of torment. Every bit of fucked up thing that’s happened to me, every lie i have ever been told, every person that i thought cared but actually didnt, every awful reminder of what has happened/what could happen, every time ive been a fool, every time my heart has broken, every time i cared to much, every thing that made me happy but now bring me nothing but anguish,and just how lonely i am/feel. I-i just want it to stop. I wish there was something to make it stop. It drives you crazy,It drives you up the fucking wall. like you want to scream but you cant. You want help but you cant get it. It wont help. You want to save yourself but you cant. I am my own worst enemy. Every night its the same. I wake up or don’t even sleep at all and i just say why? Why do you have to keep me awake. Why do you have to keep making me think all the thoughts i just want to forget i just want to sleep. But my salvation never comes. And sometimes now..now..it doesn’t stop at night..it sticks with me in till the day.. They say not to regret a single decision you’ve ever made..because it made you who you are now it gave you the experiences that you’ve had. Well i dont believe that. I regret trusting the people ive trusted. I regret meeting some of the people ive met. I regret falling in love with the people i fell in love with. I regret many a choice that i have made. I have so many..god dam regrets.The choices ive made..did not make me happy about the person ive become. I am not content with my life. I hate how i am,I hate what i am around. Im not happy feeling this way at all. Im not happy going through this torture. They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger..and at one point it did..but now im not getting stronger. I feel myself crumbling away. Give anything enough time,enough force,and it will fall. It will crack. I used to love the night. I really did. But now i hate the night. I really do.

|
Profile picture of ABrighterDay
Passing Stranger

572

QA Reputation

358

ABrighterDay said 9 years, 11 months ago:

I can’t say you’ll ever get over your regrets, or that you’ll completely leave behind your suffocating sufferings. It’s painful to be stuck in a rut that refuses to go away. These feelings can make you feel alone, but you did what a lot of people have trouble doing, and that’s reaching out. Reaching out is a decision I’m sure you won’t regret.

One thing that’s hard for a lot of people to do is love themselves, and I think that’s a challenge you’ll have to try and take. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and work towards a better future you can be proud of. You may not be able to encourage yourself to try now, but it’s something to keep in mind. I think you’ll be much happier when you see the bits and pieces of progress you’ll make by simply adding self-love into your life. Take it one step at a time and celebrate the victories, no matter how small.

All of this is easier said than done. I’m not a blissful optimistic who thinks you’ll be able to be happy just because someone on the internet told you to. But trying to love yourself is better than standing still in a quicksand of self-loathing, right?

|